The Sweetest Gift
by Detective Olivia Stabler
Summary: Set just after "Savior" when Olivia is left with Gladys Dalton's premature infant and perhaps one of the most important decisions of her life. This is my take on what may have happened where the show left off. EO Family/Friendship/Possible Romance
1. 1 Choices

_The Sweetest Gift_

_(Chapter One: Choices)_

Elliot stepped off the elevator to see Olivia waiting for him.

"What is going on? Are you okay?" he asked startled by the concern in her voice when she had asked him to meet her at the hospital.

"I'm alright. It isn't me."

"Liv, what is going on? It sounded serious."

"It is," she said taking her hand in his and leading him down the hall.

They walked past a nursery window and through two big metal doors. Down a long hallway and through another set of doors sat another smaller nursery.

"Liv?"

"Elliot, I need you're help," she whispered softly as they stared down at the infant in the incubator. "I have no idea what to do."

The tiny baby laid in the bed covered in tubes and hooked to monitors. Elliot watched as the smallest human being he had ever seen in his life stirred a bit as her little chest rose with each shallow breath she took. She….he assumed the infant was a little girl because the blank name tag on the front of the incubator had two little pink teddy bears on it.

"Olivia, who's baby is this?"

"She's mine," she said looking at him with tears in her eyes.

"You had a baby?"

"I have a baby….it's a long story and I will explain it all to you later, but right now I just need your advice….as a parent. She's sick."

"How sick?"

"Really sick. There is a good chance she will die."

"What's wrong with her?"

"She was born too early to a drug addicted mother. The doctor said she has a brain hemorrhage and they need to do surgery to help her, but she is too small and too weak to have the operation. He said I only have about an hour to decide, that was forty seven minutes ago. I don't know what to do."

"Where is her mother?"

"Gladys had papers drawn up, she signed the baby over to me and disappeared. She left a note saying she wasn't prepared to take care of her daughter and she knew I would know how to care for her. She said she wanted to get help to get clean."

"She just gave you her kid? You barely know this girl."

"I know. And she is trusting me to keep this baby alive until she comes back for her. Elliot, what if I make the wrong choice? If I tell them to do the operation and she is too weak, she wont make it out of surgery. But waiting….she could die either way. I have no idea what to do. And this little girl is depending on me to make the right decision."

"All you can do is try, Olivia."

"But what if she dies, Elliot? What if she dies because I made the wrong choice and it is all my fault? How will I live with myself? How will I explain that to her mother?"

"Liv, none of this is your fault. Gladys left you here with this tiny, broken baby, that she screwed up. She left her daughter with little chance of survival and just dumped her off on somebody else to take care of."

"She trusted me."

"She left her with you so she didn't have to feel responsible when the baby died."

"Elliot!"

"No, Liv. That girl was in no way ready to be a mother. She was doing drugs and hooking, she didn't even bother taking prenatal vitamins or having regular doctor's appointments for the pregnancy."

"She is a teenager who was forced into prostitution, Elliot. Gladys is a victim, too. Or did you forget that?"

"I only see one victim here, Liv. And it isn't Gladys. All I am saying is that this baby is more than likely going to die either way. You need to be prepared for that."

"How do I help her?" she asked placing her palms against the plastic.

"You fight like hell and do everything you can. Pray."

"And let them do the surgery?"

"It is the only real chance she had got."

Olivia nodded as she wiped tears from her face.

"You're right," she whispered. "I'm gonna go tell the doctor that I have made my decision. I will sign the papers and let them operate."

Elliot pulled his phone from his pocket.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked.

"Taking the rest of the afternoon off to wait with you. You shouldn't be sitting here waiting alone."

Olivia took a deep breath and smiled as she walked down the hall to talk to the doctor.

For the next eight and a half hours Olivia nervously paced the floor of the waiting room.

"I cannot believe they don't know anything yet," she said scanning her eyes over the nurses station desk. "I'm gonna ask them again."

"Olivia, sit down. When they know something they will let us know," he said patting the chair beside him.

"This waiting is making me sick."

"It is all part of being a parent. Learning to wait things out."

Olivia sat down beside him and looked into his eyes.

"Have you thought this through? Do you know what you are going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, there are options. A girl just dumped her premature baby on you. Maybe you should contact child protective services."

"Just dump her like her mother did? You want me to put a premature newborn into the foster care system?"

"I am just saying that you should think this through. This isn't the kind of decision you make over night."

"Do you think I have not thought about this? That I have not considered how it would change my life? Or do you just not think that I could raise a baby?"

"Liv, that isn't it. I think you will be an amazing mother. Someday. To your own kids."

"But not this baby?"

"I know how bad you want a baby."

Olivia looked up at him a little in shock.

"It is obvious every time you see a kid. You want to be a mother. And I understand that. I also know that you would love this little girl like she was your own. You would take good care of her and provide everything she needed."

"Then what is the problem?"

"You are getting in too deep. Becoming too attached."

"Because she might die?"

"That, or…."

"Or?"

"Liv, lets say you raise this baby. You take this little girl home and you love her and care for her and you raise her as your own. And five years from now, ten years from now, Gladys shows back up and wants her kid back. Then what are you going to do?"

"She signed those papers."

"Liv, she is the biological mother. And you may have power of attorney right now, but unless you legally adopt this baby there is always a chance that no matter how much you love her you are going to lose her."

They both looked up to see the doctor standing across the room. Olivia stood and made her way to him.

"How is she? Did everything go alright?"

"The surgery took much longer than I had anticipated. She is just so tiny and fragile. Her heart rate kept dropping and that took a little while to get stabilized. I have stopped the bleeding, for now. But I wasn't able to get done everything that I needed to do. I had to remove a small piece of her scull to relieve some of the pressure on her brain. She is stable for now and resting in recovery. But I will need to go back in a few days from now when she has regained some of her strength and replace the bone flap. She is a very sick little girl, Ms. Benson."

"Is she going to be alright?"

"It is really too soon to tell. But there is a great chance that she will suffer permanent brain damage. To what extent we cannot really be sure until she is a little older and we can conduct a series of tests."

"Oh my God," Olivia whispered in disbelief.

"Ms. Benson, I am not trying to be harsh here, but maybe it would be in the best interest of the child to let child services take over from here."

"What the hell is wrong with you people?" she snarled wiping tears from her eyes. "She already has the odds stacked against her, she doesn't need her doctor giving up on her as well. You think she should go into foster care?"

"She would go into a facility for disabled children. A place where the doctors specialize in cases like this, in treating children with disabilities."

"Your job is to care for that baby!" Olivia shouted. "If you don't think that you can handle that, then let me know now so that I can start looking for a new one!"

"Ma'am, I am only trying to look out for the well being of this child. She is very sick. She is going to need at least one or two more surgeries in the next few months and to be checked out by specialists. She could have any number of health problems due to her premature birth and low birth weight. Every day of her life is going to be a struggle. It will be months, maybe years before she is fully out of the woods and probably suffer brain damage. I just want you to understand what you are getting yourself in to here and to understand the expense and challenges you will face in choosing to keep this baby."

"Doctor, you know as well as I do that if she is dumped in foster care she is not going to get the treatment she needs. The state is not going to pay for her to visit specialists or attend special schools. She will be stuck in a facility and spend her entire life there. Or be placed with a family who only keeps her around for the paycheck and could care less about her needs."

"You sound like you have put a lot of thought into this."

"I have had about eleven hours to think about it. She needs someone to care for her, to love her. She needs a fair chance. And I intend to give it to her."

The doctor smiled and nodded.

"Well, she really needs her rest right now. I can take you back to see her, but only for a few minutes. You can come back at eight o'clock in the morning to see her again."

Elliot and Olivia followed the doctor back to the incubator where the baby now rested. Her little head was bandaged and she seemed to be resting well.

"Hey sweetheart," Olivia whispered kneeling to look through the plastic at the little girl. "You don't have to be afraid. You're not alone anymore."

Elliot nearly cried himself as he watched his partner bond with the infant. Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. Elliot knew she wasn't a very religious person, but could tell right away that she was praying for the baby girl. He knelt beside her and closed his eyes as well.

"I have to go now angel, but I will be back in the morning to see you," Olivia said softly then turned to walk with Elliot back toward the waiting room. "Doctor, what are her chances? I mean, if you had to say…."

"It is hard to say right now. She is so tiny and her little body has been through so much. She was born way to early, addicted to cocaine and had a major surgery when she was just one day old. There is still a really big chance she may not make it through the night. But if she does and we can keep her stabilized and keep her warm and fed, this baby girl just might have a chance. If she makes it through tonight, if she is still with us in the morning, I would say she has about a fifty percent chance."

"Fifty percent?" Elliot asked. "What was it before?"

"Without that surgery….about thirty five percent. Every day she will grow a little stronger and every day she is with us her chance of survival raises a bit. She may be small, but this little girl is a fighter. She has already faced more challenges in her one day of life than most people face in twenty years. We just have to take this one day at a time. You are more than welcome to call for updates on her condition through the night. There will be a nurse at the desk and a doctor on duty all night."

"Oh, I'm not leaving. I know I can't be in here with her, but I don't want to leave her here alone either. I have my cell phone on me and my number is in her file. Please, call me if there are any changes in her condition."

"I will let the night staff know."

"Thank you doctor."

Back in the now empty waiting area Olivia sat down on the sofa as Elliot looked over the choices in the vending machine.

"You want a cup of coffee? My treat."

"No, thank you. I actually think I am going to try to catch a nap while she is resting."

"So this is really happening? You have made up your mind?"

"I can't just walk away, Elliot. I can't abandon her like everyone else in her life. I'm all she has."

"For now."

"You still don't think I should keep her?"

"I just don't want to see you get hurt. That's all."

"I understand where you are coming from and I know that I am setting myself up now for heartache later, but she doesn't have anyone else. And I am kind of starting to think that maybe this is good for me too."

"This is a baby, a child. Your child, until her mother comes back and decides she wants to rip her away from you and take her back. I just think maybe it would be safer, for you, just to have a baby of your own. One that you know no one could ever take from you. Look, you are this baby's savior. You are the reason she is alive right now. "

"If only it were that easy," she sighed scratching her fingers through her hair. "I can't, El."

"Not alone, maybe not. But you will find someone amazing and I am sure you will have beautiful babies together."

"No, Elliot. I mean, I cant. I cannot conceive. I cannot get pregnant and I cant have a baby, ever."

"Olivia, I am so sorry."

"I got pregnant in college and had a bad miscarriage. Losing the baby did a lot of damage to my body, internally and left me unable to conceive another child. Maybe you're right. I might be this baby's savior, but isn't it possible that she is mine too?"

Elliot smiled and kissed her on the forehead.

"I guess I wasn't looking at it that way."

"I have wanted a baby for so long. And now it is like God himself has just place this one in front of me. I know she needs me, but maybe I need her, too. Maybe this is my second chance at motherhood. I am not a religious person, Elliot. But I believe that when God gives you a miracle you don't question his intentions. You accept the gift he has given you and thank him for answering your prayers. She is a miracle. If she lives one day or one hundred years, it does not change the fact that she is a miracle."

"You are absolutely right," he said sitting down at the foot of the sofa and laying her feet across his knees.

"What are you doing?" she asked with a soft smile.

"Hey, if you are camping out in the waiting room, so am I. You didn't think I would let you do this alone did you?"

Olivia smiled.

"I hoped you wouldn't. I have no idea what I am doing. All I know is that my heart is telling me I cannot turn my back on her and my head is telling me to listen to my heart. For once in my life they agree. That has got to be good for something. I know how bad it is going to hurt if Gladys shows up and wants her back, but every day until then she is mine."

"Thank you had better get some rest now, because once that baby comes home you will never sleep again."

Olivia stretched out and closed her eyes as she yawned. Elliot picked up the remote control from the end table and turned on the television.

"Good night, Olivia."

"Night, El. Thanks for….well, for everything."

"You're welcome," he said covering her shoulders with his jacket. "And tomorrow morning we will go back there and see your daughter."

Olivia opened her tired eyes and smiled at him.

"I have a daughter."

"Yes you do."


	2. 2 Baby Steps

_The Sweetest Gift_

_(Chapter Two: Baby Steps)_

"What time is it?" Olivia asked softly as she felt Elliot slide out from under her legs and stand from the sofa.

They had spent the night together camped out in the hospital waiting area refusing to leave the little girl there alone.

Elliot stretched then cleared his throat and looked at his watch.

"It is about quarter after six."

Olivia groaned and sat up yawning and running her fingers through her hair.

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

"Not too bad, considering the arrangements. You?"

"I'm a little stiff, but I'll live."

"You sat there holding my feet all night? El, why didn't you lay down? We could have made room for both of us to stretch out. You probably would have slept better."

"I didn't want to wake you. Don't worry about it. A couple of aspirin and a cup of coffee and I will be good as new."

Olivia smiled as she looked at the clock across the room.

"It is still too early to go back and see her."

"Well, we could head down to the cafeteria and grab some breakfast."

She stretched again and looked around the empty room and the junk food filled vending machine.

"Yeah, okay."

A few minutes later they sat down together over a scrambled egg breakfast and black coffee.

"Have you thought anymore about how you are going to do this?" Elliot asked watching as she emptied another sweeter packet into her cup and picked up the creamer.

"You still don't think I should keep her?"

"No, that isn't what I meant. Liv, I think you are right. I think this baby needs you just as much as you need her. Maybe God had a special plan when he brought Gladys Dalton into your life. "

Olivia looked up at him and smiled as she took a sip of her coffee.

"Then what exactly did you mean?"

"I meant, with work and just life in general, parenthood is a lot to handle. You have my full support, of course, but this isn't going to be a cakewalk. What are you going to tell Cragen?"

"Cragen knows."

"He does?"

"Well, kind of. The papers were delivered to the precinct and Cragen brought them by my apartment. He knows that I have rights over the baby, but I am sure he didn't think for anything in the world that I actually planned on keeping her. I honestly didn't. When I first heard that doctor suggest children's services, I completely agreed with him. I was in no way set up to raise a child."

"What changed your mind?"

"I saw her. And it was love at first sight. This tiny little person and she is completely dependant on me. I can't just abandon her and walk away. She deserves a real chance at life and if I give up on her now….she will never get that. You have seen how the system treats disabled children. She is liable to end up abused and alone or dumped in some home for the disabled where she will never truly be loved. She deserves more than that. It isn't her fault that life isn't fair, but she shouldn't have every card in the deck stacked against her. I think I can help her. I think we can help each other. And this may be my only chance to have a child. That is something I have wanted my entire life. I needed a baby and she needed a mother. I don't think it could be spelled out any clearer. It just made sense."

"Perfect sense. Have you considered the expense of treatment and special doctors?"

"I'll sell off everything I own, get another job, whatever I have to do to get her the help she needs."

"You should see a lawyer and find out what kind of rights you do have here. You may be able to get her added to your insurance. If you can get the judge to say that you are her legal guardian and get the paperwork lined out….it probably wont cover everything, but it is a start."

"This is exactly why I asked you to come here. I mean, I wanted you to be here as my friend, but you also think about all of this from a parent's point of view. I guess I am not really in that train of thought just yet."

"It will come to you. What about daycare and preschool?"

"She is two days old, Elliot. I think I have a little time before I have to worry about that stuff."

"Not in Manhattan, you don't. Parents get their children on the waiting lists for the best preschools while they are still in the uterus. Some schools have a waiting list of about two years or more. And it is only going to be a few weeks before you will need a someone to watch over her when you come back to work."

Olivia rubbed her hands over her face and looked back up at him.

"I should be making a list. I have not even considered most of this stuff. I don't even know my options."

"You need to decide if you want to put her in daycare or get a nurse or nanny."

"I need a nanny?"

"Depending on her needs, it may be better for her to have someone who watches her in your home instead of taking her to a place where there are several children to one caretaker. She will get more one on one attention and it might be better for her."

Olivia picked up a napkin from under her spoon and pulled a pen from her purse.

"Nanny," she said as she wrote the word in black ink. "And nursery schools."

"What about the living arrangements?"

"What about them?"

"Babies require a lot of stuff. Will there be enough space in your little apartment for all of the things she needs."

Olivia bit the cap of her pen for a moment as she considered the possibilities.

"I have that small office space I could turn into a nursery. It would be tiny, but it would do for now. That would buy me a little time to look for a larger place."

"Well, she will probably spend the first few weeks she is home sleeping in a bassinette in your room, anyway. She wont go into an actual crib until she is a little bigger."

Olivia pulled another napkin from the dispenser on the table and began a second list.

"Bassinette and crib."

Elliot smiled.

"An you will need bottles and blankets, diapers and baby clothes. A swing and a bath tub. Special baby wash and shampoo. I'll tell you what…."

Olivia lowered her pen and looked up at him with worried eyes.

"When it gets a little closer for time for her to come home I will take you baby shopping. We will make sure you have everything you need for your little girl. And we can have a baby shower."

"Do people do that if you don't actually give birth?"

"Of course. You are still welcoming a new baby into your life. And she still needs a lot of things. We can check out some of the baby stores in the area and register for baby items. Then we will wait and go shopping after the shower, that way we know what things you still need."

"How do you know all of this stuff?"

"I have five kids."

"I know, but most men just leave it all up to the woman to do all of the planning."

"I'm not like most men."

"No, you're not," she said with a smile. "But you are an amazing help to me."

"You are not completely alone in this," Elliot said placing his hand over hers.

"Thanks, El."

"We still have about twenty minutes before we can go see her. What do you say we go check out the gift shop? I think maybe she could use a few little friends to keep her company when mommy can't be there with her."

"Mommy?" Olivia said with a smile. "That sounds so strange to me."

"You are a mommy now. Her mommy. You are her entire world."

"And she is mine."

"Congratulations," Elliot said as he kissed her forehead. "Come on, uncle El wants to get her some flowers to brighten up the little area around her bed."

Olivia laughed as they stepped into the elevator.

Half an hour later they returned to the NICU carrying a few stuffed animals and a vase with a few pink roses. The balloon that floated above the vase had a pink gingham print and said 'It's A Girl' in large pink letters.

They followed the nurse across the room to the little plastic incubator where Olivia's new daughter rested. Elliot sat two stuffed bears, a pink puppy dog, a giraffe and a duck on the window seal beside the vase of roses.

"That's better," he said pulling the curtains open just a bit to let a beam of sunlight peek through. "Good morning, beautiful," he said sitting in a chair beside the little bed and leaning to look inside.

"She looks good, doesn't she?" Olivia asked shifting her dark eyes to look up at his across the incubator.

Elliot turned his attention to the numbers on the screen beside the bed.

"Her breathing is better," he pointed out.

"Congratulations, it's a girl!" the doctor announced as he approached from behind them.

"Doctor," Olivia said with a smile, "how is she doing?"

"She has done very well through the night. She is responding well to the treatment we have started and breathing better on her own. We are still giving her oxygen to help her out, but she isn't dependant on the machine at this point. Her vitals are good. Temp is good. She is a very strong little girl."

"She gets that from her mother," Elliot said looking over at Olivia.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"It is still too soon to say she is in the clear. That could take months. But the swelling on her little brain is going down and things look very good. If she keeps this up we will be able to perform her second surgery right on schedule. We can probably get her started on a bottle in a few weeks and get her off the feeding tube. Baby steps. The things that come so naturally to other babies are a big challenge for her. She should still be inside her mother's womb for at least another couple of months. She isn't supposed to have to know how to breathe yet or nurse from a bottle, so she is going to need a little help learning to do these things. It will take a little time and it will be a while before she is completely out of the woods. It is still kind of hard to say, but if things keep progressing this well, you should be able to take her home in a couple of months."

"A couple of months?" Olivia asked looking worried once more.

"There are several milestones she must meet before I can discharge her. She has to be able to hold a good strong pulse and breathe well without assistance. She has to be able to feed from a bottle and tolerate infant formula. We have to get her weight up several more pounds. She has a long road to recovery. This is a journey that will take her a little time. But if we are persistent and patient with her, she can make it through this. I have seen many infants worse off than her make a complete turn around in just a few weeks."

"So her chances are good?" Elliot asked.

"We are not out of the woods just yet. But the progress she has already shown is promising. But setbacks can happen in a matter of moments. She could spike a fever or set up infection. We just can't say. What I can say is don't give up. She is a very strong baby and with enough love and support and maybe prayer, she can make it through this."

"Well, she has plenty of that," Elliot said squeezing Olivia's shoulder in support.

"I'll leave you to your visit," the doctor said as he turned to walk away. "Oh, and Ms. Benson?"

"Yes," she said raising her head.

"Your little girl still needs a name."

"She does," Olivia sighed looking down at the tiny little figure behind the thick plastic wall. "I guess in all of this madness that little detail completely slipped my mind." She folded her arms and laid her forehead against the incubator to stare inside. "She needs a good name. Something that fits her and she wont mind having for the rest of her life."

"No pressure," Elliot joked.

"I'm serious. I don't want her to have a name she is going to hate when she is older."

"She needs something pretty."

"Any suggestions?"

"Take a little time to think about it. I am sure you will come up with something great. Listen, I need to run by work for a few hours and take care of a few things. Are you gonna be alright here by yourself?"

"I'm not by myself anymore, El. My daughter is with me now," she announced with a smile.

Elliot laughed and looked down at the precious little baby.

"She sure is. Alright, call me if you need anything or if there are any changes. I thought I could run by your apartment and bring you back some clothes. That way you don't have to leave her. The nurse said there are showers in the waiting area on the second floor, that will give you a place to get cleaned up."

"A shower sounds so good right now."

"I'll bring you some lunch and a couple changes of clothes. You stay strong kid," he whispered kneeling beside the incubator once more. "Uncle Elliot will be back to see you in a few hours and I'll bring you something nice."

Olivia smiled and hugged her best friend.

"Thank you," she said softly. "You don't know what it means to me to have your support in this."

"I am your best friend, Olivia. You have my support in everything you do."

"Yeah, but it is still nice to have someone there when I turn around."

"I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"We'll be here," she whispered laying her head back down to look in on her baby.

When Elliot returned that afternoon he found Olivia sitting next to the baby reading to her from the New York Times.

"What are you doing?" he laughed.

"The doctor said it is good for her to hear my voice. She likes when I read to her. And this is all I could find."

"I think I can help you out," he said pulling a small book from the bag he brought with him and handing it to her. "There are over a thousand baby names and meanings in there, surely one of them will fit her."

Olivia smiled.

"This is good. Now she can help me pick out a name."

"I also got a few things for her. A little baby doll and a dress. It says preemie, but it still looks so huge compared to her."

"El, you don't have to bring her something every time you come to visit."

"She is going to need an outfit to come home in. Besides, I promised I would bring her something."

"You will spoil her."

"I intend to. All babies deserve to be spoiled. And this is for you."

"Thank you," she said taking a gift bag from him. "What is it?"

"Well, baby stuff. So I guess it is kind of for her, but there is something in there for you as well."

Olivia set the colorful tissue paper aside and pulled out a large photo album.

"It's a baby book. So you can start keeping track of all of her moments."

"And this?" she asked pulling out another book full of blank pages.

"That is a journal. So you can record your thoughts about being a mother and write little messages to her. Then when she is older you can give it to her to help her to understand how all of this happened."

Elliot watched as a smile crossed her face.

"Thank you."

"You are very welcome. I also brought some Chinese take out, but the nurses wouldn't let me bring it back here. It is sitting up at the desk, they said we have to take it out into the waiting room. Are you hungry?"

"Starving," she laughed. "Okay sweetheart, mommy will come back and visit you in a little while. Get some rest and be a good girl. I love you angel."

Elliot couldn't help but smile at her words. Motherhood seemed to have come so naturally to Olivia in the moments since she had inherited this child. They walked down the hall and Elliot set out their lunch on the card table in the corner of the room.

After they had finished eating Elliot held open his hand for Olivia to choose her fortune cookie.

"Pick one," he said raising his palm to her.

"It doesn't matter. You pick for me."

"Oh no, your future may be in the palm of my hand, but it is something that only you can choose."

Olivia laughed and picked up one of the cookies.

"You read yours first," he said as she broke the cookie in half.

"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves," she read aloud.

"That fits you."

"What do you mean? I can barely understand it."

"Well, you are always doing things to help other people. The victims and everyone around you, you are a very giving person. Those who fill their thoughts and actions with love and compassion for other people will touch the lives of those around them. The people they have touched will, in turn, fill their thoughts and actions with love for that person. You know, a what goes around comes around kind of thing. And the goodness and love you have shared with others all of this time is finally coming back around to you."

Olivia smiled and tucked the little slip of paper into her pocket.

"What does yours say?" she asked as Elliot broke his cookie open and smiled.

"Old friends make best friends."

"Very funny."

"I'm serious," he said handing her the fortune.

Olivia read it over and smiled.

"It's true," she said. "You and I have known each other for almost twelve years now. We have been through the best and the worst of just about everything together. Including the death of my mother and the arrival of my daughter. You are my very best friend and I thank God every day for bringing you into my life."

"Aww."

"I'm serious, El. I have never had a family or any real friends. Not until I met you. It is nice to know there is someone who will always be there for you. To know that I would do anything for you…."

"And I would do anything for you," he said staring into her eyes. "And for her. You guys are my family. This precious little girl will be so loved by everyone around her and it is all because of you."

"I should get back in there. I don't want her to feel like she is alone. I want to be there beside her every moment that I can."

"You have had that baby for two days now and you are already such an amazing mother. You're a natural."

"You think so? There is still so much I am unsure of and I worry about/"

"I really do."

"I hope so."

"I know so. You will figure it all out. You will learn, just like every other parent."

"I hope you're right."


	3. 3 Scorned

_**Author's Note:**__** I am sorry in advance for all of you who have waited so long for the release of the name of Olivia's baby. I did not give her name in this chapter, mainly because I still have not 100% decided what it is. I have chosen the first name and am now working on her middle name, but I think I have it picked out. Little baby Benson will have a name in the next chapter, I promise! And I will try to get written & posted as soon as possible. (Hopefully tomorrow!) Thank you all for being so patient! **_

_**~ Detective Olivia Stabler ~**_

_The Sweetest Gift_

_(Chapter Three: Scorned)_

Olivia sat in a rocking chair beside the baby's bed reading from the baby name book.

"Bailey," she read aloud looking in at the infant. "I'll mark that one with our maybes," she replied picking up a pink highlighter and drawing a line through the name."

"How's it going?" Elliot asked as he knelt beside the incubator.

"Pretty good. The doctor said she is doing really well today."

"Did you guys decide on a name?"

"We are narrowing it down," she said with a smile. "I am trying to spend every moment I can with her. I have to go back to work tomorrow. Then I will only be able to come and see her in the evenings after work. It is gonna be so hard to leave her here and go home with out her."

"She will be home before you know it. Then you will have a couple of weeks to stay home and be with her every moment."

"Yeah, I can't wait. My baby is almost a week old and I still haven't even been able to touch her."

"So, what do you have it narrowed down to?"

"Just a few. But I'm really leaning toward either Tessa or Lily."

"Those are both very pretty names."

"How do I know what fits her best? I don't even know what color her eyes are."

"Liv, there really is no big rush on picking a name. You will probably want to have one picked out before you take her home, but right now there is no big rush. Take a little time and think about it. Maybe it will be easier to decide once you are able to hold her and interact with her a little more. I am sure whatever name you decide on will be perfect for her."

"You know I have thought about this moment all of my life, hoped and planned and wished and dreamed and….now it is here and I have no idea what to even do. All I know is that there is this little tiny person in here and she is completely dependant on me and I don't know the first thing about parenting."

"You will be just fine."

"I just want to give her everything. The best of everything."

Elliot smiled.

"You're off to a pretty good start. Why don't we get out of here for a little while? Just take a little break."

"I don't know, El. I don't really want to leave her."

"She has an entire crew of doctors and nurses looking after her. And they will call you if anything changes. I'm talking two hours, tops."

"Well, what did you have in mind?"

"I thought maybe you could do me a favor."

"You mean repay one of the dozens I already owe you?"

Elliot laughed.

"I am supposed to pick up Elizabeth and take her shopping for a homecoming dress. Dress shopping is not exactly my forte."

"How did you get roped into this?"

"I was supposed to take the kids for dinner a few nights ago, but something came up. So, this is Kathy's way of punishing me."

"Something came up? A few nights ago, something came up?"

Elliot raised his eyes to stare at her for a moment.

"You mean when I called you and asked you to meet me here to help me with her?" Olivia asked looking down at the baby. "That night?"

"Yeah….that night."

"You blew off your kids to be here?"

"Not exactly. Kathy had a date and she just needed a babysitter. It wasn't even my night to have them. She called me that morning and insisted I take them. The kids didn't even know anything about it."

"Oh," Olivia laughed, "so you blew off Kathy to help me?"

"I did. And I would do it again in a heartbeat."

Olivia smiled.

"You would?"

"You needed me, Liv. She didn't."

"What about the kids?"

"If it had been about the kids, it would have been a different story. But it wasn't. My kids come first. I make sure of that."

"You're a really good father."

"Thanks, I try to be. So, what do you say? Will you come with me to take Elizabeth shopping for a dress for her first high school dance?"

"You don't think she would mind?"

"No, she would love to have you there. I think she would really rather have a woman's opinion, anyway. Dear old dad is just there to provide the credit card and foot the bill."

"Your opinion matters, Elliot. Your kids love and respect you. Of course your opinion matters."

"Maybe so, but I am not good at matching heels to dresses or talking strapless bras and updos. This is a big thing for her and I think maybe it would be a little more special to be able to talk the talk with a woman, not just her father who doesn't know anything about girly stuff."

"Okay, I will do it. But only because I owe you about a thousand favors and it is about time I start repaying them. And I think it will be fun to go dress shopping and I could probably use the practice. I just really don't want to be gone any longer than two hours, though. I want to be able to come back and spend a little time with her before visiting hours are over."

"Deal," Elliot said extending his hand to help her up.

"Bye angel, I will be back later to see you. I love you," Olivia cooed as she looked in on the baby through the plastic. "Mommy will be back later." She paused for a moment and then smiled.

"What?" Elliot asked.

"I'm a mommy," she laughed.

Elliot looked into her eyes and smiled. It was really nice to see her this happy.

"So what exactly did you have in mind?" Olivia asked as Elizabeth smiled.

"I'm not really sure. Something long. I don't want a short dress."

"Is there a particular color you like?"

"I don't know," the girl laughed. "I have never picked out a homecoming dress before."

"Well, lucky for you I have a little experience in this area."

"Did you go to a lot of dances when you were my age?"

"A few," Olivia said sorting through some dresses on a rack.

"And you had a lot of boyfriends?"

Olivia looked at her and smiled.

"A few."

"Liv, I know my dad asked you to come, because he didn't want to dress shop with me. I just….I just wanted to say thank you."

"You are very welcome. Your dad did ask me to come, but it isn't because he doesn't want to be here."

"The why is he sitting over there instead of helping us find a dress?"

"Well, honey, dads aren't always that good at things like picking out dresses. But he loves you very much and he wants you to be happy, that is why he asked me to come. But Elizabeth, I will completely understand if you would rather me go so you can spend this time with your father."

"No. I want you to stay. I think the dresses you pick out might be closer to my taste than the ones dad picks."

Olivia smiled.

"You are probably right."

"Liv, can we talk….about girl stuff?"

"Sure, honey, what's on your mind?"

"How old were you when you went on your first date?"

Olivia stared at the girl.

"Uhh…." she looked across the room at Elliot. "About six….eighteen," she said feeling bad for lying to the girl, but knowing Elliot would kill her if she told Elizabeth the truth.

"Eighteen? For a date? When did you have your first boyfriend?"

"How old are you?"

"Fourteen."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Are you gonna tell my dad?"

"No," Olivia said softly. "Not unless there is a reason I need to tell your dad."

"My friend Luke, my date to the dance, he asked me to be his girlfriend. But dad would freak out if he knew. I'm not supposed to have a boyfriend or date until I am at least sixteen."

"Maybe this is something you should talk about with your mother."

"She wouldn't understand. She'll only get mad at me for keeping it a secret."

"Well what had happened with this boy?"

"Nothing, yet. But I really like him. I was just hoping maybe I could get your advice."

"On dating? I'm sorry, honey, but I think I agree with your father on this one. Fourteen is too young to go on a date."

"We are only going to the dance. But, like, what if he tries to kiss me?"

Olivia smiled at her and tried to imagine herself having this conversation with her daughter in fourteen years.

"Do you want him to kiss you?"

"I think so. I really like him."

"Have you ever been kissed by a guy before?"

"Yeah, but not a real kiss."

"And you are hoping that Luke will give you your first real kiss at this dance?"

"You think I am too young for a real kiss?"

Olivia stared into her eyes and smiled.

"No, honey, I think if you know that you are ready….then you should go for it."

"How old were you when you got your first kiss?"

"I was thirteen. But don't you dare tell your father I told you that."

Elizabeth laughed.

"And it was nice and romantic?"

"It was. But it was because I knew I was ready for it. It was a bit awkward and clumsy, completely humiliating, but totally worth it."

"I am ready, Liv. I have known Luke my entire life and we have been friends forever. I have had a crush on him for a long time and when he asked me to go to this dance with him, I thought my heart would explode from my chest. I want everything to be perfect."

"I'm sure it will be. You are a beautiful girl and you are going to look so beautiful at that dance that he wont be able to resist wanting to kiss you."

Elizabeth smiled.

"So you will help me?"

"Sure, I will."

"I think I like the this one," she said holding up the dress for Olivia to see.

"That is really pretty. You should try it on."

"Okay," Elizabeth said with a smile.

"Everything going alright?" Elliot asked from behind Olivia.

"Yes. She is trying on a dress she really likes."

"This can't be the one."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I have been through this with both of her sisters and there is no way she could have picked out a dress that fast."

"What do you think?" Elizabeth asked stepping out in front of the mirror.

"It is beautiful," Olivia said watching the girl as she twirled in front of her reflection.

"What do you think dad?"

"Very pretty, honey."

"You know what else would be pretty? If you wear your hair kind of up with some loose curls hanging down in the back."

"That sounds good," Elizabeth said with a smile.

"This is the one, dad."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup, this is the one I like."

"Good choice, baby. Give me the tag. You go get dressed and we can grab some ice cream on the way home."

"Okay," Elizabeth said with a big smile.

"How did you do that?" Elliot asked Olivia.

"I didn't do anything. I just listened to her. She's a good kid."

"Thank you. I'd like to think I had a part in that."

"Of course you did," Olivia laughed. "You are an amazing father and I just hope that someday I can be half as good a parent as you are."

"You are going to be just fine. I'm glad we were able to find the dress this quickly."

"When is her dance?"

"Tomorrow night."

"Her dance is tomorrow and you are just now getting her a dress?"

"Well, I didn't decide to let her go until this morning. I wanted to meet this punk face to face and get a good reading on him."

"And?"

"And I think I put a good scare into him. I have known this kid since he was in diapers. He is one of Dickie's friends and he knows better than to try anything."

Olivia laughed again.

"That poor boy."

"Hey, that poor boy will be just fine as long as he respects my little girl."

"Yeah," Olivia agreed with a smile. "So, back to the dance details. Did you make a hair appointment?"

"Kathy did that."

"Does she need shoes?"

"Between her and her sisters they have about two hundred pair, I am sure she can find something."

"No, no, no. El, this is going to be the biggest night of her life….up until this point of course. She got the perfect dress, now she needs the perfect shoes."

"See, this is exactly why I wish I had a couple of more boys. Seventy five bucks covers the tux and shoe rental. With the girls you have hair and nails, tanning and dresses and shoes and jewelry."

"El, I realize you have been through all of this a couple of times before, but this is her first real dance. It is important to her."

"Alright, we got a blue dress. You know anything about shoes?"

Elliot watched as a huge smile crossed Olivia's face.

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"Ahh, the lady has a bit of a shoe fetish."

Olivia laughed again.

"Nothing dirty. I just happen to love shoes. I could have three outfits and a hundred pair of shoes and be the happiest girl in the world."

Elliot laughed.

"Lets see," Olivia said turning to look at a wall full of high heeled shoes. "Well, you can really go two routs here. You could pick out a white shoe and have it dyed to match the dress."

"Or?"

"Or….these amazing clear heels with the rhinestone straps."

"What do you like, Liv?" Elizabeth asked from behind her.

"Well honey, it's your big night. What do you like?" Olivia replied.

"They probably don't have the time to dye those. And what if they don't look right? Maureen had shoes dyed one year and they didn't even match her dress. They were a completely different color green. She ended up wearing a pair of old heels from her closet."

"Tragedy," Elliot said with a sarcastic smile.

"You obviously do not speak teenaged girl," Olivia added.

"So we go with the shiny shoes," Elliot said pointing to the heel in Olivia's hand.

"They have these in a few different styles."

"No, I like the ones you picked out, Liv."

"I think these will be very pretty with your dress."

"Yeah baby, I think silver shoes go good with a blue dress."

Olivia and Elizabeth both laughed.

"What?" Elliot asked.

"The shoes aren't silver, dad."

Elizabeth picked up the shoes and dress and headed for the counter.

"For the record, those shoes are not silver," Elliot joked.

"And for the record, the dress is navy and white. Not blue."

"For the record," Elliot noted shrugging his shoulders as he followed Olivia to the front of the store.

The next evening Olivia was sitting alone next to her infant daughter's bed reading to her from a book of children's stories when her cell phone rang.

"El, what's going on?" she asked thinking he had already gone home for the night.

"We need to talk," he snapped, obviously upset about something.

"Alright. I'm in with the baby. Come on up."

"No. I think it would be better if you came down here."

"You're already here?"

"I'm in the front parking lot."

"Okay," she said still wondering what this could possibly be about. "I'll be down in a minute."

Before Olivia could say goodbye, Elliot had hung up on her. A few minutes later she stepped off the elevator in the front lobby to see him pacing the sidewalk in front of the building.

"Elliot, what is going on?" she asked as she stepped out the front door.

"Like you don't already know!"

"El, honestly, I have no idea. What is wrong?"

"I pulled into my driveway this evening to find my fourteen year old daughter sitting on the front porch swing with her _boyfriend," _he snarled.

"Boyfriend? I take it the dance went well?"

"Elizabeth is never going to see Luke again!"

"What happened?"

"Kathy took Eli to visit her mother and they knew no one was home. They snuck away from the dance to be alone at the house and God knows what may have happened if I hadn't come home earlier than I had planned! They were quite tangled in a make out session! They didn't even realize I had come home and that boy had his hands all over my daughter!"

"Ooh. Not good."

"Not good is right. And imagine my shock when my child tells me that she had discussed this matter with you while dress shopping and you told her to go for it!"

"Whoa, wait a minute….that isn't exactly what happened."

"Well, I am curious, Olivia, as to exactly what it was that did happen?" he snapped.

"She wanted advice about boys. She was nervous about going to this dance with a boy she liked. She was asking things like when I started dating and…."

"You told her it was okay to date this guy?"

"No, I told her I agreed with you. She is too young."

"So how did Elizabeth get the impression that you were encouraging this behavior?"

"I may have sort of encouraged the kiss."

"The kiss? Which kiss would that have been?"

"She was hoping to get her first kiss tonight from Luke. She asked me what I thought and I told her that if she knew for sure she was ready, she should go for it. But I never said anything about making out with the guy or sneaking around. Elliot, I would never second guess your parenting. You and Kathy are great parents and certainly know a lot more about this sort of thing than I do."

"Well, at least we agree on something!"

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, maybe you should butt out and leave the parenting of my children to their parents! You have your own kid to screw up," he snapped looking up in the direction of the NICU. "So why don't you just stay the hell away from mine!"

Olivia stood speechless with tears streaming down her face. He had never spoken to her like this before, let alone yelled at her in scorn. She watched as he turned and stormed back across the parking lot and pulled away, still quite pissed off. She certainly hadn't intended to make him feel this way.

Olivia wiped the tears from her face and walked back inside. She drew a staggered breath as she climbed into the elevator and pressed the button for the fifth floor. As she walked toward the room where her baby girl slept a nurse caught her.

"I'm sorry ma'am. But visiting hours for the NICU are over for this evening."

Olivia looked at the woman trying so hard not to break into tears once more.

"Please, I didn't get the chance to tell her goodnight," she said softly trying to hold herself together.

The woman looked around them, then pushed the button to buzz Olivia back.

"I can give you five minutes," she said with a soft smile.

"Thank you," Olivia replied forcing a smile as well.

She walked across the room and knelt once more beside the little bed to stare at the baby inside.

"I love you so much," she sobbed as she broke into tears. "I just want you to know that. All I want is what is best for you. I'll come back to see you first thing in the morning, I promise. Goodnight, little angel."

Olivia stood and made her way back toward the door. Back at home she soaked in a hot bath to try and unwind. She had been in disagreements with Elliot before, but they had never ended like this.

She picked up her cell phone realizing that she had no missed calls and tried to call him again. But two rings later it went to his voicemail. Elliot was ignoring her calls. She listened for a moment to the silence at the end of the message, but wasn't sure what to say. She closed the phone and laid it on the night stand beside her bed.

She moved back down the hall to the kitchen to pour herself another glass of wine, this was by far the worst day she'd had in quite some time and she needed a little help surviving it. Back in the bedroom, Olivia climbed into her bed and pulled the overstuffed blankets up around her. She nestled into the pile of pillows and turned on an old movie as she settled in for the night. An hour later, she had cried herself to sleep.


	4. 4 Complicated

_The Sweetest Gift_

_(Chapter Four: Complicated)_

_**THREE DAYS LATER….**_

It had been so long since Olivia had heard from Elliot, but she had other things weighing on her mind. She sat alone once more beside the baby's bed and stared down at the little girl. Today would be the most vital day of her tiny fractured life. Today would be the first of many days that would decide if this baby would live or die.

Olivia checked her watch nervously. In less than an hour this baby would undergo the surgery to replace the bone flap in her scull. A process that would take hours and could possibly end the child's life.

Her tiny little body had already undergone more than five blood transfusions and it was likely she would need at least a few more before this was all over with. Some days it seemed as if everyone around her was ready to give up on the infant. Doctor's would preach to Olivia about the quality of life this baby could lead, insinuating that a brain damaged child was not worth caring for. But Olivia refused to give up. As long as there was still life in that tiny little body, Olivia intended to make sure she had the best treatment and the most love that she could possibly get. As long as she drew breath, Olivia was going to fight for her.

The issue of payment was still heavily weighing on her mind. Until Olivia could officially make the child hers, her insurance refused to pay for any treatment for the infant. Olivia was now working toward maxing out her third credit card and had no idea how she would come up with the money to pay the bills. But this was not an option. This baby needed help and Olivia was going to make sure she would receive it.

But laying claim to the baby wasn't exactly as easy as saying she wanted to keep her. She would have to face a judge and trial periods, proving she was fit to raise a child on her own. None of that really seemed to matter to Olivia at this moment. To claim the little girl, she would have to prove that Gladys Dalton abandon her daughter, but to do that she would first have to make sure she actually did. First step, first, this tiny baby girl still needed a name. No matter what happened from this point on, this child would need a name.

So many options. So many choices. So many decisions. And it was a wonder it all hadn't driven Olivia completely crazy by now. But something kept her going. One thing kept her moving forward and praying for the best. One person kept her hope alive. And that person was her tiny, helpless little daughter.

"I will have to take her to prep for surgery soon," a nurse said as she checked the baby girl's vitals once more. "You have visitors in the waiting room."

"Visitors?"

"Some people, they said they work with you."

"I'll go see them after you take her in. I really don't want to leave her, until I have to."

The nurse smiled.

"I'm gonna have to change her diaper and start a new IV. It will take about ten minutes. Why don't you go on an see your friends, I promise you she wont be left alone. Then I can give you a little time with her before we take her to pre-op."

"Alright," Olivia agreed.

She made her way down the hall to the waiting area and though she was sure Elliot wouldn't have been there, she couldn't help but be a little disappointed when he wasn't in the room.

"Hey Liv, how is she doing?" Fin asked hugging her.

"Actually, very well. She is getting stronger every day. Once she recovers from this surgery and starts putting some weight on, we can work on getting her well enough to bring her home."

"Well, we are all praying for her. I'm sorry we can't be here while she's in surgery," Cragen said as he sat down beside her. "But we will be thinking of you both every minute of the day.

"Thank you," Olivia replied.

"I'll stop by when I get out of court and bring you some lunch. I know you'll be anxious, but you've got to eat," Munch said.

"Thanks guys. I really appreciate everything."

"We'd better get going," Cragen reminded them all. "Give me a call if you need anything."

"I will," she said softly as she walked them to the elevator.

Olivia returned to the NICU to visit with her little girl until she went into surgery. A little while later the nurse returned to take the baby in to surgery.

"I have to take her now," she said looking down on Olivia.

"Okay," Olivia said in a weary voice.

But as Olivia turned to leave the room the woman stopped her.

"Ms. Benson," she said and Olivia turned to look at her.

She watched as the woman unlocked the little plastic door and reached inside to unhook one of the machines.

"Would you like to touch her?"

"More than anything," Olivia said softly.

"Wash up over there and use the hand sanitizer on the wall."

Moments later Olivia reached inside the little plastic room the baby lived in. She brushed her fingertip softly over the baby's cheek and smiled as she stirred, kicking a bit. Olivia traced her fingertip down the little girl's arm and felt a tear roll off her cheek as the baby girl closed her hand around it.

"So sweet," the nurse said. "Have you decided on a name, yet?"

"Her name is Tessa," Olivia said softly. "Tessa Bailee."

"That is beautiful," Elliot said from behind her.

Olivia turned around to smile at him.

"How is she doing?" he asked.

"She's good."

"I have to take her now," the nurse said closing the little door on the incubator.

"Alright, angel. I will be right here when you come out. I love you," Olivia said as they pushed the little bed down the hall toward the operating room.

Olivia watched until the doors closed, then turned nervously to face her partner.

"I have tried to call you….at least a dozen times over the last few days. I wasn't sure you were ever going to talk to me again."

"Cragen told me about her surgery. You didn't really think I would let you go through this alone, did you?"

"I didn't know what to think," she said softly as she folded her arms in front of her. "Elliot, I never meant to…."

"I know. Why don't you let me take you down to the cafeteria and buy you a cup of coffee. She will be in there for a few hours and it will give us some time to talk this through."

"Okay."

Olivia leaned against a window sill staring out into the bright fall morning. The leaves on the trees in the courtyard were beginning to turn and the beautiful shades of gold and red danced in the breeze.

"It's a beautiful day," Elliot said handing her a cup of coffee. "You wanna take a walk?"

"No," she said looking down at the pager the hospital had given her. "I am not sure on the range of this thing and I want to be here if they need to reach me."

"What is the plan here?"

"I have an appointment with children's services in the morning."

"What are you talking about? I meant with the doctors, after her surgery."

"She will stay in recovery for a while, then back to the NICU. If everything goes well then they will start working with her on things like nursing from a bottle. It could still be months before we really know anything. Or she could die in surgery. They can't say for sure."

"And your appointment?" Elliot asked looking into her eyes for only a moment before Olivia turned away. "Olivia don't do it."

"I love her so much, Elliot. More than I ever thought I could love someone. All I want is what is best for her. Even if it isn't me. I love her enough to give her up, if that means that she will have better than I can give her."

Elliot shook his head and tried to think of something to say in response.

"I would have just screwed her up, you said that yourself."

"I was wrong. I was wrong about everything I said. I was hurt and I was angry. And stubborn. And a fool to think that you would ever do or say anything to harm my kids."

"If I had though for a moment that she would have taken that as a green light to….I never would have told her that was alright."

"I know."

"That is the longest we have ever gone without talking to each other. I was honestly starting to wonder if I would hear from you again."

"I overreacted. I screamed at my scared teenager and she panicked and told me whatever shifted the blame from her. I wanted her to be innocent so badly that I stood by and watched while she threw you under the bus."

"So, what changed your mind?"

"My wife."

"I thought you guys were on the outs?"

"Not this week."

Olivia smiled.

"Kathy knew you wouldn't encourage this. It took her a few days, but she was finally able to talk some sense into me."

"All this time I thought Kathy saw me as the enemy. Never thought I would see the day when she stepped up to defend me."

"She has been a little jealous in the past. But good God, do you blame her? You are smart and beautiful, built like a goddess. You are sexy and single and she is an insecure housewife and a mother of five."

Olivia smiled resisting a laugh.

"You're my best friend. We are together day in and day out through the worst of situations. When I need a break, when I need to talk or get something off my chest, I turn to you. Not my wife. I spend more time with you than with my wife and kids. I have laid my life on the line for you, taken bullets for you and I would do it again in a heartbeat. That is a lot for a woman to accept. Not to mention we think alike and can finish each other's sentences. I could see how someone might think that there was something going on between us."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Can you forgive me for being a jerk?"

Olivia looked into his eyes for a moment, then smiled.

"I guess I can cut you a break this time."

"I love you, Liv. You are my family. You are an incredible woman with so much to offer. And I would be making a huge mistake if I let you give that baby up. She loves you. She needs you. And I think you need her, too."

"I want her. I want more than anything to keep her and make her mine forever. But I can't help her by being selfish. I don't know if I need her, or if I just want her because I can't have a baby of my own. If I do this, it has to be for the right reason."

"If you love her….if you want nothing more than to help and protect her forever, then you are doing it for the right reason. Olivia, no one else is even interested in her. Some of the doctors were even ready to give up on her. If it wasn't for you, that baby would have died days ago. But you love her and protect her and make sure that the best things are done for her, no matter what the cost. That is parenting. You are the only mommy she knows. And when she closes her little hand around your fingertip, that is her way of thanking you and telling you just how much she loves you too."

"Elliot, I don't know the first thing about being a parent."

"Yeah well, you have done pretty good so far. You've got good instincts." He turned his head and stared at her until their eyes met. "Keep the baby. I promise you there won't be a single day you will regret being her mother. But if you give her up, you will regret it every day for the rest of your life."

"You're right," Olivia said nodding in agreement. "Looks like I have a phone call to make," she said pulling her cell phone from her pocket as the beeper on her hip went off.

"They must have an update on her condition."

Elliot walked with Olivia back toward the NICU where the doctor who performed the little girl's intensive surgery was waiting to speak with them.

"They said this would take up to eight hours, it has been just over four. Is my baby okay?"

Elliot slipped his hand into Olivia's lacing his fingers between hers for support and bracing himself for bad news.

"Everything went well. It didn't go quite as we had planned. It actually went much smoother and there was little bleeding. They are getting her settled into recovery right now and you can go and see her in a few minutes. Tessa did great, Ms. Benson. You have a very strong little girl here. She is a fighter."

"Thank you, doctor."

"If the two of you want to come with me, I will take you back to see her. I will warn you in advance," he said as they approached the incubator, "it looks much worse than it actually is. There is a lot of swelling and bruising, but when the bandages come off in a few days you will see that it actually isn't that bad. We kept incisions as small as possible to provide minimal scarring. As she gets a little bigger and her hair comes in thicker, it should cover the scar completely. I will leave you to your visit."

"Thank you," Elliot said shaking hands with the doctor.

"Oh, baby girl," Olivia sighed as she knelt beside the incubator to get a better look at her daughter. "She looks…."

"Good," Elliot said kneeling to look at the tiny baby. "For everything she has been through, she looks really good."

"I guess so. This is just so scary."

"Tessa Bailee Benson, beautiful," Elliot said with a smile. "You are one strong little girl. I think you get that from your mommy."

"I hope she gets better soon. I am not sure I can handle much more of the emotional strain."

"I'm sorry to tell you, honey, but that part never goes away. You will worry yourself sick about her for the rest of your life. It is all part of being a parent and parenting is complicated."

"Yeah, I have kind of picked up on that lately."

"But it is the most wonderful thing in the world."

Olivia picked up her phone and dialed a number, holding it to her ear.

"Melissa Evans, please."

"Liv, what are you doing?"

"Making that call to child services. There is no way I am letting them take my daughter away from me."

Elliot smiled and hugged his partner.

"So, I was trying to think of a way to make it all up to you. You know, my being a complete jerk for the last couple of days."

"Oh, I know. I was there, remember?"

Elliot smiled again.

"I was thinking I could help you set up the nursery. We can start on it now and have it all ready for when Tessa is ready to come home."

"That is a great idea. And it is sweet of you to offer, El. But there is so much I have to buy for her and I just can't do it right now. I still have to figure out how to pay for all of this. I have pretty much maxed out all of my credit cards and I am not even sure how I am going to make the payments on those. I just don't have the money right now."

"I know things are kind of tight right now, but I have a plan for that too."

Olivia raised her head to look at him.

"I'm listening."

"It was actually something Cragen and I came up with together. A sort of fundraiser to help with the medical bills. There are a lot of people in this city who would love to reach out to help Tessa if they knew her story. We have a lot of friends, Liv and the other cops at other precincts, you would have a lot of support. We want to organize a dinner. Cragen thinks he can get the people who cater the policeman's ball every year to work out a deal with us. Tickets would be like two hundred a person and include dinner with wine and dancing. By the time we deduct the cost of catering and music…. it probably wont be enough to pay for everything, but it will help. Cragen is already working out the details."

"You guys did all of this for us?"

"Hey, we are your family, we would do anything for you. So, I guess that would make Tessa my little niece. And uncle Elliot is so proud of you, angel," he said looking over at the baby girl.

Olivia smiled, "mommy is, too."


	5. 5 Progress

_The Sweetest Gift_

_(Chapter Five: Progress)_

"I cannot believe there are this many people here," Olivia said as they entered the grand ballroom that had been booked for the occasion.

"There must be close to a thousand people here," Fin agreed as his eyes scanned the room.

Olivia pressed her lips nervously together as she clutched the note cards for the speech she had prepared in her hand.

"Breathe," Elliot whispered leaning into her.

"I can't do this," she whispered. "Where did they all come from?"

"We advertised in every newspaper and on every TV station in the tri-state area. This is all for Tessa."

"These people don't know her."

"They have all heard the story of this brave little girl and they want to do everything they can to help her. Tessa's story has touched the lives of all of these people. That is a lot for one tiny little girl."

"We should get started," Cragen interrupted placing his arm around Olivia and pulling her to the side for a moment. "There are some reporters here who would like to get a few words from you about the turnout. What do you think about that?"

Olivia looked nervously once more around the large room.

"I told them I would talk to you about it. We are doing this your way. Whatever you are comfortable with…."

"That is fine," she said nodding in agreement. "These people have all gone out of their way to help me and to help Tessa. The least I can do is take a few minutes to thank them publicly."

Cragen smiled at her.

"I figured we could start off the evening by doing a little introduction. Bring you out on stage so that you can give them all a little information about Tessa and we will put up her picture. If you feel up to it, you could answer a few questions. You can give them an update on her condition and then we will move on to dinner. The band will start at nine thirty and we will open up the dance floor."

"Sounds good. I'm just not a big fan of public speaking."

"Talk to them, Olivia. Speak from your heart. You are very much a people person and I know that you can reach everyone of these people here tonight."

"I practiced this until I could recite it in my sleep, now I can't remember a single word."

Elliot reached down and took the stack of cards from her hand.

"Then wing it."

"What?" she asked turning to look at him. "You're not being graded on this. Just go out there and talk to them. Tell Tessa's story. Tell your story. Speak to them like a mother talking about her child. This is your baby, your little girl. Tell them what you feel."

Elliot pushed the cards neatly back together and handed them to her.

Olivia cleared her throat.

"I don't need the cards," she said softly as she looked out at her audience once more.

"The cards always made me more nervous anyway. I was always afraid I would forget something. When I wing it, it takes the pressure off."

Olivia smiled.

"Wing it," she said. "So, detective Stabler, if you don't mind," she said with a smile raising her arm as he slipped his hand into hers.

"Shall we?"

And with that he escorted her out onto the stage.

Later as they all sat around the table eating dinner and drinking wine, Olivia watched as couples began to gather around the dance floor.

"Would you like to dance?" Elliot asked softly.

"Are you sure your wife wouldn't mind?" Olivia asked glancing over at the table where Kathy sat with a man she had never seen before.

"No, I honestly don't even think she would notice," Elliot replied watching as the man slipped his arm around Kathy and whispered something to her and she laughed.

"I would love to," Olivia replied as Elliot stood and lead her to the dance floor.

"This was really a great turn out."

"It was nice of you and Cragen to pull this all together."

"There isn't anything we wouldn't do for that little girl."

Olivia smiled.

"I'm so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life."

"And such a strong, beautiful daughter."

"I never properly thanked you," she said straightening his tie in her fingers.

Olivia leaned forward and hugged him tight.

"Thank you," she whispered softly in his ear.

"You are very welcome," Elliot said closing his arms around her and just holding her for a moment. "Liv…."

"Kathy, right," Olivia said pulling back and looking over at Kathy who was now watching them closely.

"That's just it. I don't care about Kathy."

"It's rocky now, but things will get better. They always do."

"Not this time. I gave Kathy the divorce papers this morning. I have already signed. She is meeting with her lawyer tomorrow, then all that's left to do is work out a custody arrangement. It's over. We're through."

"El, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm happy. For the first time in years, I am truly happy. Just to know without a doubt what I want."

"And what is that?"

"A fresh start. I have been with the same woman since I was eighteen years old."

"That is called commitment, Elliot."

"I know. And we have five beautiful children together. I wouldn't change anything that has happened over the years. But the relationship between Kathy and I has pretty much been dead for months, we were just trying to work things out for the kids. Then one day we both realized that the kids will be happy if we are happy. Staying together and being miserable was just going to make our children miserable and we all deserve better than that."

"Very true. You guys have both always looked out for the kids first. I think they will be just fine."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well, are there any hot dates planned in your near future?"

"You mean besides the one I have tonight?" she asked with a smile. "I don't know, El. I spent so long looking for love, I guess I have just decided maybe that isn't what I need right now. I already have what I need. I have my beautiful baby girl and the rest of my life to love her. Maybe this _is_ what I have been searching for. The purest form of love that there is. This innocent little…." she paused for a moment as she tipped her head to look at him. "She needs me. And I need her. I have never really had that before. I am in love."

"I need you," Elliot said staring into her eyes.

Olivia smiled.

"I need you too," she said placing her hand against his chest. "But what I mean is that I have never had anyone who my life completely revolved around. Even as a child, I spent most of my time alone. I'm not alone anymore. I will never be alone again. I have a daughter, now I have a family of my own."

"You haven't been alone for a long time," he said as she gazed into the calming ocean blue of his eyes. "We're a family, Olivia. You and me, Cragen and the guys, we are a family. And the day you walked into the bullpen, you became a member of the SVU family. From that moment on, you have never been alone. All of this time you have been trying to find a place where you belong. Look around you. You have been standing right where you belong all along."

"You're really sweet," she said softly trying to refrain from crying. "What do you say we get out of here?"

"What all of these guys in penguin suits?"

"I have fulfilled my obligation for the evening. Dinner is over, I don't think anyone would notice if we slipped out. Besides, these heels are killing my feet. And there is somewhere else I would rather be."

"What about my penguin suit?"

Olivia laughed as she reached up and untied his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his white button down shirt.

"There," she said with a smile, "now you're less stuffy and more normal," she said with a wink. "You're driving," she said walking toward the door to make her escape.

Elliot smiled and pulled his car keys from his pocket as he followed her into the parking lot. Elliot stopped and watched as Olivia slipped off her heels and walked around to the driver's side of Elliot's car.

"I thought I was driving?"

"I've got this," she said opening her hands as he tossed her his keys.

They climbed into the car and headed across town.

"So, where are we going?"

"You'll see," she said with a smile.

Another couple of blocks and Olivia pulled into a back lot of the hospital. She cut across to the main parking lot and shut off the engine.

"I have been thinking about this all night," she said tossing him the car keys as she climbed out of the car.

Olivia carried her shoes in her hand as they entered through the lobby and climbed onto the elevator.

"We're gonna go in there dressed like this?" Elliot asked. "We look like we just came from prom."

"El, Tessa doesn't care how we're dressed. All that matters to her is that we are here."

"Visiting hours are over, Olivia. They're not gonna let us in," he said as she pushed the button and waved to the nurse behind the big metal doors.

Elliot heard a buzzing sound and the doors opened. He shrugged his shoulders and followed her down the hall.

"How did it go?" the nurse asked as Olivia approached her.

"Really well," Olivia replied. "We just wanted to stop in and say good night to Tessa."

"Actually, I have been trying to call you."

"My phone is off because of the fundraiser. What's going on? Is something wrong?"

"Oh, no. We got to take her completely off her oxygen."

"Really? And she is doing okay?"

"She is doing great! I talked to the doctor and he wants to wait another couple of days just to be sure, but he wants me to start going over the paperwork with you to move her from the NICU into the regular nursery."

"Oh wow," Olivia said looking at Elliot.

"That is great," he said in excitement. "She is a very strong little girl."

"We have been working with her on the pacifier and I think she has the hang of it. She is doing so good."

Elliot stayed beside Olivia as the woman lead them down the hall to the room where Tessa slept in her little bed.

"I swear she has gotten bigger just since I left her this morning," Olivia said smiling in on her daughter. "Hi baby," she cooed, "mommy missed you so much. Can I touch her?"

"Sure," the nurse answered as Elliot and Olivia moved across the room to wash up.

The nurse opened up the door on the incubator and removed the bandage that covered Tessa's eyes.

"How is everything? Since her surgery?" Elliot asked.

"She is doing very well. The swelling has gone down. She is breathing on her own still. We do still sometimes pump oxygen into the incubator for her, just to make it easier on her. We were actually going to start working with her on taking formula so we can get rid of the feeding tube. She has good suction with the pacifier, so I think she will probably do just fine. We will probably start that within the next couple of days. She is actually starting to open her eyes more and respond to sound. And she has gained four and a half ounces over the last few days. We weigh her daily and she has stopped losing weight and it starting to put it back on. The formula the doctor wants to start her on has a composition very similar to breast milk, it is easier for her to digest, but it has a lot of calories. So that should help her gain some weight. We are also feeding her every hour and a half. Once we start her on the bottle we will offer her the bottle every two hours and then if she takes it well we will just use the tube to make sure she gets enough formula and fluids in her system. She is making amazing progress. We are all so proud of her."

"Mommy is proud of you too, Tessa," Olivia cooed as the baby stretched and grasped her finger. "Hello there, sweetheart."

Elliot watched as the baby opened her eyes and tried to focus on her mother's face for the first time since she had been born.

"She's looking right at you."

"How well can she see?" Olivia asked.

"Her vision is probably blurry and she doesn't have much motor control, just yet, so she kind of just looks where ever her eyes happen to be pointed at the time. But she reacts to light and sound. It is important at this time that we just remember that she is not even supposed to be outside the womb for another month. So she isn't going to have the same milestones as most babies her age. It is going to take her a little while to get caught up to where she should be. Right now we can't expect much more than a lot of sleeping and a little movement here and there. She is making excellent progress."

"I can't wait until I can actually hold her and take her home," Olivia said as she smoothed her fingers over the little girl's cheek. As she did Tessa turned her little head and snuggled her face in against Olivia's hand.

"She is such a sweet little girl. She hardly ever cries and she seems very affectionate. Some babies when they are this tiny don't like even being touched. But with her it is like she…."

"Has been alone for too long and she is grateful to finally have someone there who loves her," Olivia said cutting her off. "I know exactly how she feels. I love you more than anything, honey."

"She loves you, too. And she shows it the only way she knows how. When she stares at you and holds your finger in her little hand, that is her saying I love you too mommy," Elliot said.

"I really should get her fed and let her get back to sleep, now. But I'm on all night if you want to call and check on her. You can come back at eight o'clock tomorrow morning."

"I will, thank you."

"Goodnight, my sweet angel. Mommy will be back tomorrow to see you. I love you Tessa," Olivia said as the woman closed the incubator door.

Elliot drove Olivia back to her apartment and walked her to her door.

"Do you wanna come in for a drink?" she offered. "I'm still wound. I feel like celebrating."

Elliot smiled and laughed.

"What have you got?" he asked tossing his jacket over the back of the sofa as she moved to the kitchen.

"Red wine….vodka….oh, I have beer."

"Beer would be great. Thank you."

"I'm not sure beer is right for the occasion, but here you go," she said handing him the brown bottle and raising her glass.

"To Tessa," Elliot said. "And her remarkable progress, may she find herself in her mother's arms very soon."

Olivia smiled with tears in her eyes as the rim of her glass met his bottle.

"That is very sweet, El."

"She'll be home before you know it. That reminds me," he said pulling a folded up piece of paper from his pocket. "Eli asked me to give this to you."

"Eli?"

Olivia took the paper and unfolded it to reveal the artwork of his five year old. In blue and green crayon was a picture of what appeared to be a slightly distorted frog, sitting on a lily pad in the water. Olivia smiled.

"What is this?"

"Eli wanted to make a get well picture for Tessa, but he didn't know what to draw. When he asked me, I told him he should draw something that makes him happy. That is Desi, his pet frog."

Olivia laughed.

"It's adorable."

"It is disgusting. The frog was a class pet and at the end of school last year the teacher drew the name of a student who got to keep him. Eli won. Desi was named after Desi Arnaz, I am assuming by the teacher and provides constant entertainment at the house because he refuses to stay in his aquarium."

"What happened to Lucy?" Olivia joked.

"There was a Lucy. But she met a tragic fate a few months ago when she escaped the aquarium and became lunch for Elizabeth's cat."

"Oh," she said softly, "poor Lucy. That must have been hard on Eli."

"Kathy and I had planned to tell him the frog ran away or something. But Dickie got to him first. I expected Eli to freak out or cry when Dickie taunted him with Lucy's remains, but he thought it was cool."

"Well tell him I said thank you very much. I'll take it to the hospital with me tomorrow and hang it by her bed. It might be good to add a little color to that gloomy little room. That reminds me, I have something I want to show you," she said taking Elliot by the hands and leading him down the hallway.

Olivia pushed open the door and turned on the light to reveal an empty room with a hardwood floor and four white walls.

"It's an empty room," Elliot said wondering exactly what it was he was supposed to see here.

"It's a nursery. At least it will be. I cleaned out the office and I want this to be Tessa's room."

"You could start by putting a crib in it. Maybe some curtains on the window."

"I was waiting until after the fundraiser when I got some of the hospital stuff paid down and a few of the credit cards under control. And…."

"And?"

"And some people think it is bad luck to set up a baby room until you know for sure the baby will actually be coming home."

"You don't believe that, do you?"

"I don't think so. But I didn't want to take any chances. She is so much better now. I think that makes this the perfect time to start working on the nursery. You said you would help me. Does that offer still stand?"

"Of course it does." Elliot looked around the room for a moment. "What exactly did you have in mind?"

"I'm not really sure yet. Some paint, I was thinking maybe yellow or a light green. Other than that, I am open for suggestions."

"I'll tell you what, why don't we go shopping tomorrow afternoon? We can get the paint and pick out furniture. I can knock off work a couple of hours early to paint the room if you supply the beer and pizza."

"Really?" she asked with a grin.

"Really. We will have this empty room turned into the best nursery in Manhattan in no time."

The next afternoon they compared paint samples at the hardware store until they had found the perfect shade.

"You are sure you want brown?"

"Yup. This is perfect," jotting down the number for the color she had chosen.

"I thought you wanted green or yellow."

"It's called sand pebble. The bedding and curtains will have greens in it."

"Did you decide on a theme?"

"I think so," she said with a smile pulling a folded up piece of paper from her purse. "Frogs," she said smoothing her fingers over Eli's picture.

"Frogs for a girl?"

"Yes. Happy little frogs and dragon flies. Just make the walls this color and find some kind of frog bedding. I'm sure someone in this city makes frog themed crib bedding. Frogs don't have to be for a boy, El."

"I guess not," he said shrugging his shoulders.

"It will be bright and colorful, but still soft and subtle. All of the baby books say bright colors in room décor spark a child's imagination."

"Alright, sand pebble and frogs it is!"

They ordered the paint, but weren't going to be able to pick it up for a couple of days. Next, Elliot took her to half a dozen children's boutiques in search of the perfect frog crib bedding. Just when all hope seemed lost, they found it in a catalogue. Olivia also ordered a crib with a matching changing dresser, changing table and rocking chair in a dark cherry finish and picked out a chocolate colored rug to place in front of the crib.

"Everything seems in order," Elliot said as they walked out of the store. "In a week or so you will have a nursery."

"That's good," Olivia said with a smile. "I got some news this morning, good news."

"What's that?"

"Tessa is doing well on the bottle and really putting on weight. The doctor told me that if her progress continues without any setbacks, she should get to come home in a few weeks."

"That's great."


	6. 6 Everything Changes

_The Sweetest Gift_

_(Chapter Six: Everything Changes)_

"There," Olivia said dabbing her paint brush over the last little bit of the nursery wall.

"You know, you're right," Elliot said stepping back to look at their finished product, "that color is going to match the furniture nicely."

"I still can't believe you already moved in the furniture. This is the first nursery I have ever put together, but I am pretty sure that you aren't supposed to do that until after you do the paining," she replied pointing to the sheet covered furniture around the room.

"It came already assembled, everything but the crib. I figured we might as well bring it on in and figure out where everything was going to set."

"How long do you think it will take for this to dry?"

"I would wait a day or two before you uncover anything, just to be on the safe side."

"A couple more days and we can finish the nursery," she said in excitement. "Thank you so much for helping me with this. If I had done this on my own it would have taken forever."

"I can come by Tuesday evening after work and we can get this crib put together."

"That would be great. I cannot wait to see the finished project. It is hard to believe that in just a few weeks my daughter will be sleeping in this room."

Elliot smiled watching the excitement in her eyes as she looked around the room.

"You know, for the first few weeks she is home you will probably want to keep her in the bassinette in your room. Babies don't usually sleep in the crib until they are a little older."

"Oh," she said folding her arms in front of her. "Then I might need your help putting that together, too."

"Where's it at?" Elliot asked with a laugh.

Olivia laughed and Elliot followed her down the hall to her bedroom.

"The box was so big I just assumed it was already assembled," she confessed as she pulled the large package from the closet and pushed it across the room to him.

"Usually it is just the basket part and you have to assemble the frame."

"I'll get a screwdriver," Olivia said as Elliot opened the large box.

An hour later Elliot had the bassinette assembled.

"There you go. All that is missing is little Tessa."

He watched as she pulled the decorative lace ruffled skirt from the bassinette and folded it up.

"It is a lot prettier with that on there."

"I want to wash it first in her special baby soap."

"Right. Baby proof it. I remember those days."

"After five kids, I would hope so. And your experience in daddy hood has really helped me out."

"Yeah, well, I like to help when I can."

Olivia laughed.

"I'm sure I will be asking you for your help or advice all of the time once she comes home. I don't know much about babies."

"It won't be long and you will have it all figured out. I have seen you with her and you are a natural."

"I hope you're right."

Elliot laughed.

"I am always right! Besides, you can call me anytime you need me. I will be glad to help out."

"Thanks."

"I'd better get going. I'm supposed to have dinner with the kids tonight and we have to be in court first thing in the morning."

"Yeah," Olivia said rubbing the back of her neck. "I think I'm gonna drop by the hospital for a few minutes and tell Tessa goodnight. Then grab a shower and go to bed early."

"Liv, you might want to grab that shower _before _you go visit Tessa."

"Why do you say that?"

"You've got a bit of paint here," he said brushing the tip of her nose with his thumb. "And here," he replied holding up a strand of her hair.

Olivia laughed.

Elliot stared into her eyes and could see the joy this little girl had brought into her life. This baby was Olivia's dream come true and happiness looked really good on her.

"Sand pebble is a really good color on you," he replied twisting the strand of painted hair in his fingertips.

Olivia smiled again.

"I guess I should take a shower before I go visit Tessa later, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"I wouldn't want to scare her. Some scary looking crazy woman comes to visit her at the hospital, she would be afraid of me for the rest of her life."

"You're not scary looking," Elliot said still staring at her.

"Oh, no?"

He shook his head slowly unable to take his eyes off of her.

"You're beautiful," he said softly.

Olivia smiled as she raised her dark eyes to meet his once more.

"Thanks El," she said as that perfect smile crossed her lips.

Olivia raised her shoulder and used the sleeve of her tee shirt to wipe her face.

"Better?" she asked.

"It's still there."

Elliot watched her struggle with it for a moment.

"Now?"

"Here," he said innocently raising his hand to brush the bit of paint from the tip of her nose.

Olivia blinked and smiled again as their eyes locked. Without thinking Elliot traced his fingertips over the curve of her jaw and pulled her mouth to hers. Although they had been fighting it and ignoring these feelings for years, every single romantic feeling they had ever felt for each other came crashing down on them as Elliot picked her up and carried her into the bedroom.

She was already gone when Elliot woke up early the next morning. He took a shower and fixed himself a cup of coffee as he wandered around her apartment. He stared at her pile of clothes still in the floor beside the bed from the night before and exhaled, praying he hadn't just screwed things up between them.

He looked down at his watch noticing he still had nearly two hours before he had to be at work. Olivia often woke up early to get in a run and visit Tessa before work, Elliot was sure this was the case today. He made his way down the hall and leaned against the door frame as he looked around the empty nursery.

Two hours later Elliot walked into work to find Olivia's desk empty, just the way she had left it the day before. He stared at it for a moment feeling a knot in his stomach as a bit of worry came over him. Somehow, he had expected to see her smiling face here to assure him that things were alright between them.

The truth was, he loved her. He had been in love with her for years, though his relationship with Kathy and his pride hadn't really allowed him to properly express his feelings for her. And thinking back on it now, the way he handled things last night may not have been the most appropriate way to show her just how he felt. He sat down at his desk for a few minutes, sipping his cup of coffee. But he couldn't take this anymore.

Olivia was sitting in a chair beside Tessa's little bed when Elliot entered the room.

"How's she doing?" he asked as she raised her head and turned to face him.

Olivia looked at him with tears streaming down her face as she held her daughter for the first time.

"She is amazing," she said softly.

"This is great," Elliot whispered as he knelt beside her to get a better look at the baby girl. "Hello, Tessa."

"The doctor said she is taking the bottle really well. She is putting on weight and as long as her progress continues, she can come home on Friday."

"This Friday?"

Olivia smiled and nodded. Elliot watched as she raised the sleeping baby and gently kissed her forehead.

"She will be exactly two months old and she weighs five and a half pounds. She will have to keep coming in to see the doctors and they want to monitor her growth and development. They said she will have lower immunities than other babies her age and we have to be very careful with her, because something as simple as a cold can put her back in the hospital again. We have a long road ahead of us."

"This is wonderful news," Elliot said brushing his fingertip over Tessa's baby soft hair. "She's a red head," he noted.

"Strawberry blonde," Olivia corrected him. "And she is perfect."

"She is. She's a tough little thing."

"Would you like to hold her?" she asked with a proud smile.

"I would love to," Elliot said as Olivia placed Tessa into his arms. "There we go big girl," Elliot whispered as Tessa whimpered a bit and opened her dark eyes to look at him. "Hello beautiful. You woke up to see uncle Elliot, didn't you? Her hair is getting thick," he said looking at Olivia.

"It is starting to cover the surgical scars."

"She is getting so big. It's a good thing she gets to go home this soon, at the rate she is growing it wont be long before she is too big to sleep in the bassinette," he joked.

"I am so proud of her. I have been waiting what seems like forever for this day and it seemed like it would never come."

"Liv, I also wanted to talk to you…."

Olivia raised her head to look at him.

"about last night."

"This isn't the place, El. Can we talk about this later?" she asked looking once more down at Tessa.

"Of course," he said kissing the baby and handing her back to her mother.

"I'm scheduled to be in court this afternoon. I am going to take the morning off and spend some more time here with her. This is a big day for us."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed.

"Maybe you could come by for dinner tonight," she suggested.

"That would be great."

"Seven thirty, my place?"

"Sounds good."

"Elliot, thank you….for being here today. It really means a lot to me."

"I'm honored that you allow me to share in all of this. I'm always going to be here, you know?"

Olivia stared into his eyes.

"For you and for Tessa. No matter what. We are family, Olivia. And families are there for each other."

"I'll see you tonight," she said softly.

That evening Olivia unlocked the front door of her apartment. She tossed her keys on the coffee table and kicked off her high heeled shoes. She pulled off her suit jacked and untucked her blouse as she began to unbutton it. Making her way down the hall she dropped her clothes into the floor and stepped into a hot shower to wash away the stressful day she'd had.

Afterward, Olivia wrapped herself in an oversized towel and made her way into the bedroom to put on more comfortable clothes. There in the floor beside the bed was the pile of her clothing, evidence that the events of the night before had infact taken place between them.

She picked up the pile of dirty clothes and tossed them into the hamper, then pulled her favorite jeans and a blouse from her closet. After she dressed she put dinner into the oven and turned on a little music as she began to cut up vegetables for a salad.

Half an hour later Elliot arrived. Olivia opened the door with a smile.

"You brought flowers?"

"And wine," he said holding up the bottle as he handed her a dozen white roses.

"Thank you, Elliot. But don't you think maybe we should talk about this first?"

"Well, I just want to be clear on my intentions. The roses are for a beautiful woman I am very attracted to."

Olivia smiled.

"And the wine?"

"To celebrate with my best friend that her little girl will be coming home at the end of the week."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. What ever that is smells wonderful."

"Lemon pepper chicken."

"Sounds wonderful, as well."

Elliot followed her into the kitchen. Olivia checked on the chicken while he poured them each a glass of wine. She exhaled as she turned around and took a sip of the wine.

"Elliot, I'm not so sure that this….whatever it is between us is such a good idea."

"Why do you say that?"

"Just, all of the things that are going on right now. I am not going to try and pretend that last night wasn't…."

"Remarkable."

Olivia smiled a shy smile.

"Even so, I don't think this is a good time for me to be starting a new relationship."

"How do you know I even wanted to date you?"

She looked up at him with a bit of sadness in her eyes.

"I was joking, Liv."

Elliot sat his glass down on the counter and moved around behind her. He slipped his arms around her waist and hugged her as he laid his chin against her shoulder.

"I have been crazy about you for years. Of course I want to date you. I am fully aware of all of the things that are going on in your life right now and I know that I am not going to be the most important person in your life."

"But you should be," she said turning to look him in the eye. "If we are going to be in a relationship, you should be the most important person in my life."

"Normally, that would be true. But you are a parent now. When you are a parent, your kids come first. That is the way it always goes. Liv, it's okay. If you don't want to do this, I understand."

"I do," she said softly. "I have wanted this for as long as I can remember. For years, I haven't been able to find the right guy….because every guy I met I compared to you. But you were taken. You were married."

"And now that's over."

Elliot said placing a hand on each side of her face and kissing her tenderly.

"Aren't you scared?" she whispered as she opened her eyes to look into his.

"Of being with you? Not at all."

"What if it doesn't work out? What if it ends badly and…."

"Shhh," Elliot said placing his thumb against her lips. "You don't have to be afraid. Liv, you are my best friend and I would never do anything I thought was going to jeopardize that. But we will never know what this could be if we don't even give it a shot."

"I can't lose you."

"And you won't. Look, I'll make you a promise right now, that you and I will always be best friends. Above everything else. And we will communicate with each other and be completely honest."

"And the minute we thing that our romantic relationship is compromising our friendship….it's over. That's the way it has to be. Agreed?" she asked offering him her hand as if it were a business deal.

"Agreed," Elliot said closing her hand in his as he leaned forward and kissed her again.

Olivia laughed a bit as their kiss broke and she stared into his eyes.

"Oh, dinner!" she said returning her attention to the chicken beginning to burn in the oven across the room.

Elliot put the roses in a vase and sat them in the center of the table as he lit a couple of candles. They sat and had a nice romantic dinner together as they shared a bottle of wine. Later Elliot held her close to him as they slow danced in her living room to the sexy saxophone music of a Kenny G CD Olivia had put in.

That night, they made love for the first time as a couple. Belonging only to each other. Taking a chance at romance and for the first time living the dream they both had shared for years. When you take a chance on love, everything changes. And sometimes that change is for the better.


	7. 7 The Hard Way

_The Sweetest Gift_

_(Chapter Seven: The Hard Way)_

Olivia stood on the balcony looking out over the city as she enjoyed her morning cup of coffee.

"How long have you been up?" Elliot asked rubbing his eyes.

She turned to look at him standing there beside her in his white tee shirt and boxer shorts.

"You look like you had a rough night," she laughed handing him her coffee mug.

"I woke up and you were gone. It is barely five thirty and you're already dressed. How long have you been up?"

"I couldn't sleep much last night. Too excited. So, I got up around four and went for a run. Then I came home and took a shower, made breakfast and got ready to go see Tessa."

"You made breakfast?" he asked turning to look at the kitchen counter.

"I did. Bacon, sausage, eggs and toast. I also have homemade blueberry muffins about ready to come out of the oven."

"You have had a busy morning."

"I am ready to bring my baby home. But I cannot get in to see her until seven. I had to find something to do to pass the time."

Elliot smiled and kissed her.

"Sit with me and have some breakfast. Then I'll help you get things ready around here. I know you want things to be perfect for Tessa when she comes home."

"I put away the last of her clothes this morning. I have the crib and the bedding ready for her. I even bought a bunch of the same diapers and formula that the hospital is using for her. I have stocked up on everything I need for the apartment," she said opening the pantry to show him, "toilet paper, deodorant, and all of the food I will need for the next few weeks. I also stocked up on Lysol and antibacterial hand gel. There is some in each bathroom and in random places around the apartment. Bottles are sterilized and ready to go, her car seat and diaper bag are sitting by the door and my maternity leave started this morning," she said with a smile.

"Sounds like you are good to go."

"I am just excited to finally be bringing my daughter home."

"Well, why don't you sit and have breakfast with me," Elliot replied pulling her by the hand back into the apartment. "We can enjoy a morning meal together, then I'll jump in the shower and go with you to visit Tessa."

"Don't you have to be at work in a few hours?"

"This is much more important. I can take the morning off. Then I can be here with you when she gets to come home. If you don't mind?"

"No, not at all. I'm glad that you want to be here when she comes home."

"I'm honored that you would share it with me. This is a big moment for the two of you."

"For the three of us," she corrected him. "No matter how things work out between you and I, El, you are always going to be in Tessa's life. I want you in her life."

Elliot smiled.

"And I want to be there," he replied kissing her forehead. "I have to go in to work this afternoon, though. There are a few things I have to get done today. That will give you a little mommy-daughter bonding time alone together. I can stop by later tonight, maybe bring some dinner."

Olivia smiled.

"Sounds good."

"Maybe some of your favorite red wine to celebrate."

"No wine. I don't want to drink around the baby."

"I'm talking one glass here, Liv. I'm not saying we should get sloppy drunk."

"I just don't think it is a good idea, especially with it being her first night home. I want to get to know her sleep schedule first. I would never forgive myself if she woke up crying and I didn't hear her. Or didn't wake up because of a wine buzz. Tessa needs me and I want to make sure that I am always there for her."

Elliot smiled.

"You are already such an amazing mother and you have not even brought your baby home yet. You're a natural, Liv."

"Loving her is easy, Elliot. It is the taking care of her part that I will have to learn. I am determined to be the best mother that I can for her. I know what it is like to have a mother you can't depend on. I know what it is like to constantly wonder if your mother even loves you. My daughter will never have to wonder. I tell her every day how much I love her."

"And she loves you," Elliot whispered kissing her tenderly.

A couple of hours later, Elliot was showing Olivia how to buckle the car seat into the car and they were on their way home with baby Tessa.

"You didn't have to sit in the back, Olivia. It is only a few blocks, I'm sure she would have been fine."

"I know. I just don't want her to think that she is alone. This is a big world for such a little baby. It's kind of scary, isn't it Tessa?" she cooed to her new baby girl.

Elliot smiled as he watched her in the rear view mirror.

Back at Olivia's apartment he opened the car door and held the baby's carrier as Olivia climbed out of the car. He held the door for her and watched as she dropped the diaper bag in the floor beside the sofa and sat the carrier on the coffee table.

"Let's get you out of that seat," Olivia cooed as she unbuckled the baby and cradled her in her arms. "That's better, isn't it? Are you hungry? Mommy can make you a bottle."

"You have a seat with her," Elliot insisted. "I'll make a bottle."

Elliot moved around the counter and pulled the can of formula from the cabinet. After carefully reading the instructions on the back, he mixed the baby girl a bottle.

"There we go," Olivia said softly as she slipped the bottle into Tessa's mouth. "She feels so good," Olivia replied as she nestled Tessa against her cheek, "I just want to hold her forever and never put her down."

"And now you don't have to."

Elliot smiled watching her cuddle the baby girl, knowing how long Olivia had waited for this day. She seemed to be a natural and looked so beautiful holding her new baby daughter. He knew that no parent had ever loved their child more than she loved Tessa. Olivia was finally a mother.

"Mommy has waited so long for you," Elliot said softly as he kissed Tessa's strawberry blonde locks.

"I'm a mommy," Olivia said with tears in her eyes as she looked up at her partner and smiled.

"You are. And you're an amazing one at that."

Olivia laughed.

"I have only had her for about an hour. Isn't it a little early to start bragging on my parenting skills?"

"You have been her mother for two months now. And you have done everything a parent could do for her. You organized a fundraiser to cover her hospital treatments and you were there for her when her when even her birth mother had given up on her."

"I will never give up on her."

"And that right there is exactly what makes you a great mommy. This little girl is your world. That is just how it should be."

"Thanks, El. Your confidence in my ability to do this means a lot to me. She deserves the best."

"She already has it," Elliot said leaning forward to kiss Olivia tenderly.

"Aww, she is falling asleep."

"Babies sleep a lot at this age. Eat, sleep and poop. Some doctors say they grow when they are sleeping. It's good for her."

"I was hoping to play with her."

"You should take advantage of this," he whispered. "Grab a nap yourself. Your nights of peaceful slumber are over, honey. Babies don't really develop a sleep schedule until they are older, so they wake up several times a night needing to be fed and changed."

"I guess you're right."

"I can move the bassinette back into the bedroom if you'd like," he said grabbing it by the rim of the basket and rolling it down the hall.

"Are you leaving?" Olivia asked watching as Elliot took Tessa into his arms and hugging her.

"Precious little doll," he whispered kissing the baby as she grunted a bit and stirred in his arms. "I think I'll go ahead and go into work. I can get my stuff done earlier, then come back and spend the evening here with my girls."

Olivia smiled.

"I also want to take some of these pictures in and show them off. The guys at work will be so excited to know she has finally got to come home. They might even want to stop by for a visit."

"Whoa, wait a minute, El. I am not so sure that is a good idea. It is her first day out of the home from the hospital and it has already been a big day. She's a preemie, her immune system isn't as strong as it should be and I am just not quite sure if being passed around from person to person right now is a good idea. I know they all mean well and I know that no one would ever harm her on purpose, but something as simple as the common cold could easily put her back in the hospital for weeks. I know they all want to see her, I'm just not sure it's worth the risk right now."

"Maybe you're right. I wasn't thinking. I haven't had a lot of experience with preemies. Eli was a little early, but he wasn't as early as her and it was no big deal. I'm sorry. I just know how excited they'll be to hear she got to come home. That all adore her."

"I'd like to take a few days just for us. You and us," she clarified. "Maybe after that we could invite a small group of friends, Casey and the guys, over for dinner or something to celebrate. Then they can all scrub up and take turns holding the baby. Do you think I'm being too over protective?"

"No," Elliot said with a smile. "I think you're being a good mommy," he said kissing her tenderly. "Try to get some rest. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Alright," she agreed.

Elliot returned a few hours later with take out from one of Olivia's favorite restaurants. He stepped inside and set the bags of food down on the bar. The seemingly empty apartment was dark and still. He looked around the room to see one of Tessa's soft pink blankets tossed over the back of the sofa and a half empty bottle of formula on the coffee table.

"Still warm," he said picking up the bottle and making his way down the hall.

Elliot pushed the bedroom door open to see baby clothes scattered across the foot of the bed. In the bassinette across the room, Tessa laid peacefully staring up at the mobile above her with her pacifier in her mouth.

"Hello sweetheart," Elliot cooed smiling down at the baby. "Where is your mommy?"

Tessa blinked her big dark eyes and focused her stare on him. She grunted a bit and sucked on her pacifier.

"There now," a topless Olivia said as she walked out of the master bathroom as she wiped her chest with a wet washcloth.

Looking up at the man now standing in her bedroom, Olivia screamed half startled.

"It's just me," he explained. "I was just talking to the baby, I didn't mean to scare you."

"I wasn't expecting you. Well, not just yet."

Elliot smiled.

"Liv, I think that's a little obvious," he said staring at her black lace bra.

Olivia smiled suddenly feeling a bit shy as she tried to cover herself with her arms.

"We sort of had an accident."

"Is everything okay? Is Tessa okay?"

"She's fine. Now," Olivia said pulling an old tee shirt from the dresser drawer and pulling it over her head.

"Now?"

"I guess I over fed her. I gave her the bottle and she fell asleep while drinking it. I didn't want to wake her, so I just let her sleep. She woke up crying, so I changed her and fed her again. Then when I picked her up to burp her she…."

"She….?"

"Kind of blew up."

"She spit up?"

"Elliot, I have seen babies spit up. That is not what happened here. This was some kind of exorcist kind of stuff. Projectile."

Elliot couldn't help but laugh.

"It isn't funny!"

"I'm sorry."

"It was everywhere! All over me, all over her. And she just cried and cried. Then I cried."

"You cried?"

"I felt so horrible! I made her sick! She was crying and I didn't know how to make it better. I cleaned her up and eventually she calmed down. Then I gave her the pacifier and came in here to get myself cleaned up."

"She got you good, huh?"

"Yeah she did. It went right down the front of my shirt. I'm guessing letting her go to sleep without burping her was a bad idea."

"Yeah, I probably should have warned you about that."

"I guess some lessons have to be learned the hard way," Olivia replied sitting down on the bed beside him.

"Did you get any rest?"

Olivia smiled.

"Not really. I was too excited to sleep. I just laid there beside her in the bed and watched her sleep. And I cuddled with her for a little while and watched a couple of children's shows on television. She is so soft and smells so new. I love just cuddling with her, she is a good cuddler."

"Is it okay if I…." Elliot asked peeking over the edge of the bassinette.

"Sure," Olivia said with a smile as Elliot picked up her daughter and kissed on her little cheeks.

"Uncle El missed you so much."

"Uncle El?" Olivia asked.

"You don't like it? I mean I'm kind of like an uncle to her."

"It's alright. It's just…. isn't it a little weird that uncle El is sort of dating mommy?

"Sort of?" Elliot asked as his eyes shot up to meet hers.

Olivia smiled.

"Well, is dating mommy. I don't want to confuse her. Or let her grow up actually thinking that her mother is dating her uncle. The poor kid would never recover from something like that."

"For right now, I am uncle El," he said with a smile. "If things between us work out as well as they have been these last couple of days, then you and I can come up with something more appropriate before she learns to talk," he said leaning forward to kiss Olivia.

"Have you had any second thoughts?" she asked softly. "About dating me, I mean."

"No. Why would I?"

"This is a lot to take in all at once," she said smoothing her fingertips over Tessa's little curls. "You're not just dating me, Elliot. I'm a package deal now."

"So am I," he replied as he stared into her eyes. "I love you. And I love Tessa. She is your daughter, Olivia. But she will always be a big part of my life as well. I have no hesitations about dating you, with or without a baby. Tessa is just an added bonus."

"You are sure you want to do this? I don't date a lot. And I imagine I will date even less now that she is in the picture. It is going to be hard to meet someone and convince myself that he is even half good enough for her. But you….it's different with you."

"How so?"

"You have always been there. And I know you always will be. You are my rock, El. The one steady thing in my life when everything else seems to keep spinning out of control. And I want that kind of stability in her life."

Elliot smiled.

"What about you? Have you ever considered what it would be like dating a man with five children?"

"I guess not. But the idea doesn't bother me a bit. I love your kids."

"Think about it for a minute, Liv," he said laying Tessa on the bed between them as he laid back on the bed to look at her. "If things work out. And a year from now, or two years from now…..ten years from now, we decide that this is right…..this is what we both want….if we did decide to get married…..we would have six children."

Olivia smiled a warm smile and laid down as well. She stared at the little baby between them as she thought for a moment about his scenario.

"Six really great kids," she replied smiling up at him.

"Do you think that is something you could handle?"

Olivia stared into his eyes and smiled again.

"I think, if it was right and we reached that point together in our relationship…." she paused for a moment as she bit her lip and considered the possibilities. "I think that we together….as a family, we could handle anything. I'm not saying that I'm in a big rush to get married," she clarified as she shook her head.

"No. We have only been dating a couple of days. It is way too early to be talking about that…..I was just saying hypothetically."

"Yeah," she agreed. "Hypothetically. Maybe some day."

"If things work out," Elliot said hypnotized by her pretty smile.

Olivia laughed softly and Elliot smiled as he leaned forward to kiss her.

"For now, I brought take out for dinner. Are you hungry?"

"I am, actually."

"Well, what do you say we try out that vibrating infant seat? We can bring her in and sit it up on the table while we eat. That way she gets to have dinner with us."

"That sounds like a great idea," Olivia said with a smile as she scooped Tessa up from the bed and nestled her nose softly against the baby's forehead and kissed her.

In the dining room Olivia held Tessa and they watched as Elliot assembled her seat.

"There we go. These are supposed to work really well for soothing fussy babies."

"She isn't fussy," Olivia replied kissing her baby girl.

"Not now, but if she likes the seat it may come in handy later."

"Good point," she said as they buckled Tessa into the seat and turned it on.

"I think she likes it. Here is the bar with the toys," he said snapping it onto the seat as the baby focused her little eyes on the brightly colored jungle animals dangling from it. "All of the little animals make noise or and it lights up. And the seat plays music."

"I think I love this," Olivia said, "I think mommy wants one, too."

Elliot got them some plates and set the table. Moments later they were enjoying their first dinner together, just the three of them. After dinner they moved into the living room to snuggle on the sofa with little Tessa and watch a movie together before heading off to bed.


	8. 8 Turbulence

_The Sweetest Gift_

_(Chapter Eight: Turbulence)_

_**Two weeks later….**_

Olivia opened her eyes in the darkness and listened to the impatient cries of her infant daughter. It had been less than three hours since the last time she had gotten up with the baby and tomorrow was her first day back to work.

"Tessa," she said calmly as she stretched in the bed, "mommy is right here and there is no need for you to get so upset."

She climbed from the bed and rubbed her eyes once more. She scrunched her toes in the soft plush of the carpet as she began the nine step journey to the bassinette where Tessa laid.

"Hey pretty girl," Olivia cooed softly as she baby fussed and kicked around in her bed. "Mommy will give you anything you want, please just stop crying," she said as she picked Tessa up and walked around the room with her.

She laid turned on the television for light and laid the baby on the bed.

"You're not wet," Olivia observed aloud as she refastened the tape on the side of the diaper. "Are you hungry again? You usually only eat every four hours," she said calmly as she carried Tessa into the kitchen to make another bottle.

"Shhh," she said in a soothing voice, swaying with the child in one arm trying to calm the little girl as she prepared a bottle.

But when she offered it to her daughter, Tessa would only drink for a moment before turning away from the bottle and starting to cry again.

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Mommy doesn't know what else to do. You don't feel like you are feverish. You don't need changed and you don't want to eat. You burped really good after your last bottle.

Olivia climbed back into bed. She pulled her knees up and flipped the blankets back over them, then laid Tessa there to look at her.

"Talk to me, kid. Tell mommy what's wrong," she said reminding herself to remain calm and feeling as if she were about to pull her hair out.

She picked up the remote control and began to flip through channels as she did, little Tessa stared up at the wall as it lit up different colors from the screen.

"You like that, huh? I have an idea," she said picking up her daughter and climbing out of bed once more.

She picked up the vibrating infant seat from across the room and sat it on the bed against the wall. She placed Tessa inside the seat and buckled her in. Olivia turned the seat on and secured it with pillows from the bed just to make sure it wouldn't tip over.

At first Tessa whined, threatening to cry once more.

"Okay, no more of that," Olivia said looking down at her little pouty face.

She reached to the nightstand beside the bed and picked up the pacifier.

"There we go, baby girl. Do you want to watch TV in mommy's bed?"

She asked softly as she placed the blanket from Tessa's bassinette over the baby.

"Let's see what we've got," she whispered flipping through the channels once more in search of something that would keep her daughter content.

She watched as Tessa stared at the flat screen, her little eyes widened and she grunted softly as Olivia rested on one channel.

"Really? This is what you want to watch?"

Olivia shrugged her shoulders and laid the remote on the nightstand.

"Suit yourself," she said softly, kissing the baby before laying back down in hopes of sleeping a couple more hours before having to get up to get ready for work.

Tessa sat in her seat watching the pretty lights the QVC gem show as they tried to sell her jewelry.

The next morning Elliot arrived at work with two cups of Starbucks coffee and a blueberry muffin for his partner. As he exited the elevator and rounded the corner, he saw Olivia there leaned over on her desk with her head resting on her folded arms.

"Hey man," Munch announced as he entered the room.

"Shhh," Elliot said with a smile as he pointed at his sleeping partner.

"New mommy, finally catching up to her?" Munch joked. "You know the two of you are supposed to meet with Casey and the DA about a court case in forty-five minutes?"

"I know. I won't let her oversleep. But it's her first day back. I've had babies and it isn't easy to get sleep with a newborn in the house. I did it with two parents, I couldn't imagine what she is going through doing this on her own."

Elliot took his seat at the desk across from hers and turned on his computer. He sat a coffee cup and the paper bag containing the muffin on the edge of Olivia's desk and got started on the reports that had to be done before their meeting.

He sat for a while typing away before Olivia finally raised her head. She rubbed her hands over her face as she yawned and looked at her watch.

"Shit! Why didn't you wake me up?"

"It's alright," he replied placing his freshly printed pages into a file folder and smiling at her. "I thought you could use the power nap. And a little breakfast," he said nodding toward the paper bag.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep. I was trying to get some work done," she said opening the bag to peek inside. "And you are a Saint," she replied with a smile.

"Come on, I'll drive. That will give you time to eat."

Olivia grabbed the cup from her desk and followed her partner to the elevator.

"So how's the baby?" Elliot asked as they pulled away from the police station.

"She's good."

"Good," he replied with a smile. "You guys getting in a lot of mommy-daughter bonding time?"

"You could call it that."

"Is she having a little trouble adjusting?"

"The days are fine….wonderful. But she cries all of the time. She eats good and I love holding her and playing with her. I have finally got the hang of bath time, but she hates it."

"Most babies do," Elliot laughed.

"She never sleeps. Not long anyway. She naps during the day, but she has trouble sleeping at night. She's an insomniac."

"It takes a newborn a while to develop a sleep pattern."

"A while? How long is that?"

"Some babies start sleeping thought the night right from the start, but that is rare. Others take a few weeks or sometimes months."

Olivia looked exhausted and horrified.

"Now I am trying to get used to the idea of leaving her with a sitter. I have already called three times to check on her and it has only been two hours."

"It is nerve-racking. She is your baby."

"And to make it worse, every time I call and Rosa assures me things are fine I can hear Tessa crying in the background."

"It is natural to worry when you leave them with a sitter. Especially the first time."

"But what if Rosa can't handle her? Horrible things happen when the nanny or sitter can't handle a fussy baby."

"You found her through a service that has great reviews."

"Yeah."

"And she had many strong recommendations from the families she has worked for in the past. You met with three of the mothers she's worked with and they rave about her."

"I know."

"And I took the liberty of doing a background check."

"You what?"

"Don't tell me it didn't cross your mind! This is New York."

"I cannot believe you did this," she said half in shock and half in adoration as she pulled the file from his hand and opened it.

"She is registered with the state," she said out loud as she skimmed over the documents.

"And she is squeaky clean. Not even so much as a parking ticket."

"Thank God," Olivia exhaled.

"Feel better now?"

She smiled.

"Much better. Thank you."

"You are very welcome."

"But Cragen is gonna kill me."

"Why is that?"

"My first day back and I have already managed to take the afternoon off because the baby has a doctors appointment."

"He will get used to it. And so will you."

Olivia smiled.

"Now if I can just get her to sleep at night."

"Look, I know you are hell bent on doing this on your own, Liv, but there is nothing wrong with accepting a little help now and then. You are wore out. Tessa is still getting the hang of things and it is liable to be like this for a while. Why don't I stay over for a couple of nights and help out on the night shift."

"El," Olivia rolled her head around to smile at him, "I really don't think that is going to help."

Elliot laughed.

"On the couch," he clarified. "I'd spend a couple of nights on your couch. I could help get up with Tessa at night and give you a break to catch up on some sleep."

"I appreciate the offer, El, I really do. But I'll get through this. I just have to sleep while she is sleeping."

"Which is going to be a lot harder now that you are back to work and she spends her days with the nanny. You said yourself she sleeps mostly during the day. Which means she is just going to be cat napping at night when you are trying to sleep. She doesn't have her days and nights straightened out yet. You are exhausted, let me help you."

"Is this some strange attempt at putting the moves on me? I told you El, I just don't think we should have…..sleepovers while Tessa is still sleeping in my room."

"It is nothing like that, I swear. I just want to help."

"Alright, a couple of nights and you sleep on the sofa."

"Yes, ma'am," Elliot agreed and Olivia laughed.

"Thanks, El."

Olivia leaned over to kiss him tenderly as he put the car in park.

"I will make it up to you, I swear," she promised batting her pretty eyes at him.

That afternoon Olivia took Tessa for a check up while Elliot was at work. A few hours later he was pleasantly surprised when she entered the bullpen with the baby carrier.

"Hey," he said rising to his feet to hug her. "How did it go?"

"It went okay."

"Just okay?" Elliot asked peeking in on the sleeping baby under the pink blanket.

"I would rather not talk about this here," she said softly looking around the room at the other people.

Elliot's smile quickly turned into a serious smile as he noticed the worried look in her eyes.

"Why don't we go back to the cribs? No one's back there and it will give us a little privacy and the chance to talk alone."

"Okay," she said and Elliot picked up the carrier as they made their way down the hall.

"What's wrong?" Elliot asked as he closed the door and sat Tessa's carrier on the bed. "What did he say?"

"He said it's normal for her to cry all of the time."

"Babies cry, Liv."

"Not like this. She screams like she is in pain, El. And I don't know how to help her. She just cries and cries and cries, no matter what I do."

"He said it was normal."

"For a crack baby," she said as her tears began to fall.

Elliot stepped forward and hugged her tight.

"He said this was normal behavior for an infant who was born an addict. It is a result of the drugs. She is going through withdrawal."

"Still? I would have thought they would have treated her for all of this before they released her."

"They treated her for so many things. With so many different medications. He said that the physical pain of the withdrawal is too much for her. He wants a specialist to see her tomorrow and they might readmit her into the hospital."

"Liv, I am so sorry. I am sure that Cragen will understand if you need to take a little more time off. You came back early, so I am sure it wouldn't be a problem."

"I came back because I couldn't afford to miss any more work. Not because I didn't want to be at home with her."

"I know that. And I will be there as often as I can. They can help her to get past this. Help her heal."

"What kind of mother am I Elliot? My daughter has been crying all of this time because she is in pain and I just assumed she was a fussy baby."

"You didn't know. How could you? They should have told you the signs, they should have let you know more of what to watch for in cases like this."

"He said if they decide to admit her that they will give her morphine to help with the pain. Morphine! For a baby! He also said that as a result of the drugs she might always be fussier than most babies, she could have severe learning disabilities and a number of other issues as she grows up because of this."

"Do you feel overwhelmed?"

"I do. But I feel horrible because I am her mother and I should be able to make this better for her. To hold her and comfort her and make it better. But she doesn't want me to make it better. Sometimes I don't think she wants me at all."

"Honey, she is hurting. She doesn't know what she wants. Al she knows is that everything hurts and she cannot get it to stop. But they are going to help her with that."

"I hope you are right."

"What time is her appointment?"

"Tomorrow morning," she said nervously.

After work Elliot stopped by the market to pick up a few things before heading to Olivia's apartment. Olivia was sitting on the sofa feeding Tessa a bottle when she heard the knock at the door.

"Come on in," she called as Elliot opened the door juggling brown paper grocery bags and a dozen white roses as he stepped inside.

"Liv?"

"We're in here," she said and he followed her voice through the dining room. "Hey," she said smiling up at him with her daughter in her arms.

"Hey," Elliot replied with a wink. "These are for you," he said offering her the flowers.

"They're beautiful, El. Thank you."

"I got the stuff to make that garlic and herb salmon you like. And a bottle of wine."

"I was just feeding little lady here her dinner."

"How's she doing?"

"Good," Olivia said standing as Elliot gently took Tessa from her.

"Hey there pretty girl," Elliot cooed to the baby. "Uncle El has missed you," he said kissing her and walking around the room with her. "You are getting so big. Yes you are."

Elliot held Tessa against his shoulder as he leaned over to kiss Olivia.

"She's gonna help me make dinner for mommy."

"She is, huh?"

"Yeah, I'm going to teach her to cook."

Elliot sat Tessa's bouncy in the middle of the kitchen table and buckled the baby into it. Olivia watched as he popped the cork on the bottle of wine and poured them both a glass.

"I've got her. And dinner will be ready in about an hour. Why don't you take a little mommy down time and grab a nap?"

"I don't know about a nap. But I might advantage of the time and soak in a nice hot bath while I catch up on reading my book. If you really don't mind."

"She is fine, baby," Elliot said wrapping his arms around her and hugging her. "Go and relax for a while. Tessa and I are going to make dinner for mommy."

"Thank you," she whispered as she smiled up at him.

"You are very welcome," Elliot replied kissing her tenderly.

"You be a good girl, okay. Mommy loves you," Olivia said kissing her little girl before heading down the hall to run a hot bath.

After getting Tessa settled in her bassinette, Olivia joined Elliot in the living room for one more glass of wine before bed.

"I am so scared," she confessed as he rubbed her shoulders.

"I know, baby."

"I just feel so helpless."

"You are getting her help. You are the best thing that ever happened to that child. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"Not maybe. Liv, if Gladys had kept Tessa she probably would have died. She had too many problems herself to take care of a baby. Even she knew that. And that is why she left the baby with you. She made the best choice she could make as a parent and that was giving her daughter….your daughter, the parent she needed and deserved. And I think that you needed Tessa just about as much as she needed you."

Olivia smiled.

"It was no secret I have always wanted a baby."

"But she is good for you. And you are good for her. You need each other and you help each other. You are a family."

"I love her so much. It breaks my heart for her to have to struggle like this. She is just a tiny baby. I think she has been through enough."

"She has been through a lot. And so have you."

"I should go check on her," Olivia replied sitting her glass on the coffee table and heading down the hall.

When she returned Elliot was making up the sofa with a pillow and blanket from the hall closet. She cleared her throat and he turned to look at her.

"What is this?" he asked looking her over as she untied her satin robe to reveal the sexy gown underneath.

"I told you I would make it up to you."

Elliot smiled as she playfully pushed him back onto the sofa and climbed over him. She laughed a little and leaned in to kiss him. She smelled so amazing.

"I thought you didn't want any sex stuff right now."

"I said not in my room while Tessa is in there. I brought the monitor," she replied shifting her attention to the handset sitting on the coffee table.

"I just….are you sure this is a good time? I mean with her appointment tomorrow and everything else going on. You are under a lot of stress."

"You are right. But I cannot think of a better stress reliever then hot sex with my man. Unless you don't want to?"

"Of course I want to."

Olivia laughed.

"Then kiss me you fool."

Three hours later Olivia woke up in his arms to the sound of Tessa crying over the baby monitor.

"Mommy's coming sweetheart," she said as she picked up her gown from the floor and slipped it back over her head.

"Let me get her," Elliot replied standing to put his boxers back on.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," he replied with a kiss. "You try to get some rest. I know where to find you if I need back up."

Olivia laughed a little and fell back onto the sofa with a yawn as he fixed the baby a bottle and headed down the hall.

Elliot picked Tessa up from the bassinette and laid her on the bed to change her diaper. He spoke softly to the baby girl as Olivia listened over the monitor. Elliot sat on the edge of the bed to give Tessa her bottle.

"I know things are rough right now sweetheart. But mommy is doing everything she can to make it better. She loves you so much. Yes, she does."

Tessa stared at him and grunted as she began to fuss once more.

"Maybe I should sleep in here with her tonight," Olivia said from the doorway.

"Or we could bring her in there with us."

"I'm afraid that if we do that she will think it is time to wake up and not want to go back to sleep. But I have an idea," she said picking up the remote control and turning on QVC.

"What is this?"

"She loves it. I guess it's the bright colors."

Elliot laughed and smiled.

"She already likes jewelry."

"If I put her in her bouncy seat and climb into bed with her, she just might fall back to sleep for a couple more hours."

"I guess I'd better head back to the sofa," he replied kissing Olivia as he handed her the baby. "Tomorrow is gonna be a long day and I think we all need to get some sleep. Good night baby doll," he cooed to Tessa. "Good night baby," he said kissing Olivia tenderly.

"Goodnight," she whispered as he headed back down the hall to the living room.


	9. 9 Stepping Stones

_The Sweetest Gift_

_(Chapter Nine: Stepping Stones)_

Olivia sat in the floor leaned against the wall staring at the crib across the room. She studied the embroidered edge on the little pink blanket that covered her sleeping daughter and could hear the doctor as he spoke to a nurse at the desk across the hall about Tessa's progress. The room was dark and lit only by the glow of sunlight seeping in around the blinds on the window. She felt the warmth of her tears as they ran slowly down her cheek and had never been more exhausted in her life.

"Hey," Elliot said softly from the doorway as she raised her head to look at him.

Olivia smiled a tired smile as he handed her a Starbucks cup.

"I almost didn't see you there, it's so dark in here. How's our girl?"

Olivia drew a staggered breath and choked back more tears.

"She finally fell asleep. Everything's about the same," she whispered. "She had another seizure about an hour ago."

"Bad?"

"She's a baby, Elliot. They are all bad," she replied not realizing she had snapped at him.

"Have they figured out what is causing them?"

"They haven't told me much," she said looking over her shoulder into the hallway. "They don't realize I can hear them. The doctor said she was having a reaction to the medication they gave her to help with the withdrawal. He discontinued it."

She watched as Elliot leaned over the side of the crib to kiss the sleeping baby girl.

"What's this?" he whispered inspecting the IV taped to the little girl's foot.

"They put her on a morphine drip to help with the pain of the withdrawal."

"Morphine in a baby?"

"She is a very sick little girl, El. And I am not sure how much more of this we can take," she sobbed.

Elliot sat down beside her and slipped his hand into hers.

"She is strong. She's very tough. She has already been through more than most people will go through in their entire lives and she is only a few weeks old. She can do this. As long as she has her mommy here with her for support, she can do anything."

"I'm not helping her. I don't know how to help her. Every time she breathes funny I freak out. I have never been so scared in my life," she said as a tear fell from her cheek and landed on his hand.

"It is scary. When your baby is sick or hurt and there isn't anything you can do to fix it. There is nothing worse than feeling completely helpless when your child is hurting, knowing you would give anything to make it better or gladly trade places with them and you can't. It is heartbreaking, Olivia. But it is all part of being a parent."

"I'm not so good at this part," she said turning to look at him with sadness in her eyes. "Maybe I wasn't ready for this….any of this. Maybe I am not cut out to be a mother. It's very likely that things could get worse from here. She could have permanent brain damage, or she could end up being blind or def or suffer from any extent of mental retardation. She could keep having seizures….she could still die," she whispered and he would see the fear in her eyes.

"But would any of that change the way you feel about her? Would it make you love her less?"

"Of course not."

"You are an amazing mother, Liv. And right now you are doing the absolute best thing you can for your daughter by just being here with her. She knows her mommy is here with her, she knows she isn't alone. She knows she is safe and loved and she knows that her mommy loves her more than anything else in the world and will do everything she can to help her through this. She has never known any of that. Not until you. Gladys may have given birth to that child, Olivia, but she is your daughter. And you are her mommy….her entire world."

Elliot raised his arm, placing it around her and pulling her into him.

"You are exhausted," he said kissing her tenderly. "You should try to get some rest while she is sleeping."

"What if she needs me?"

"I'll be right here. I will wake you if anything changes, I promise. You need to recharge. I'll take watch over Tessa for a while."

He watched as Olivia yawned and closed her eyes as she nestled her head into his chest. Moments later she was sleeping soundly.

It was just over an hour later when Olivia opened her eyes as the nurse brushed past them entering the room.

"What's going on?" she asked looking up at Elliot.

"They're just checking her IV and changing her diaper," he answered as the baby began to fuss once more.

"How is she doing?" Olivia asked rising to her feet and approaching the crib.

"Her stats look good," the nurse replied with a smile as Tessa looked around the room. "Hello there angel," she cooed to the baby. "She'll probably want to sleep a lot over the next few days. She try not to worry if she sleeps more than usual, it could be a reaction to the morphine. She will probably be fussy for a while as well. It takes their little bodies a while to adjust to the treatment."

"How long will she have to be on that?" Elliot asked.

"It is a very slow drip. The doctor will start slowly weaning her off of it in the next day or so. Right now we just want to make sure we keep her stabilized."

"But this is far from over," the doctor said from across the room. "Tessa is suffering from a condition we doctors refer to as neonatal abstinence syndrome, which is similar to the symptoms that plague adults going through withdrawal. Common symptoms that babies exhibit after they're born are things like irritability, difficulty with feeding and difficulty breathing," he replied. "Infants exposed to opioids in utero also tend to have a hard time sleeping and are nearly three times more likely to have low birth weight, which has been linked to developmental problems. Withdrawal symptoms do not seem to do long term damage after birth. Since withdrawal is caused by an abrupt decline in the dose of drug in the body, hospitals typically treat affected babies with low doses of methadone, morphine or other opioids that are similar to what their mothers were taking. These drugs are then tapered slowly to avoid, or at least minimize, withdrawal symptoms. We didn't catch the severity of Tessa's condition until we had removed her from the medications we had her on for pain from the surgery. Her little system has been through quite a shock, but she is doing much better. Now that we better understand her condition and have a proper diagnosis we have been able to tailor a treatment plan to fit her needs. Babies born addicted to crack cocaine can suffer permanent side effects. This is liable to effect her for the rest of her life. Every case is different. We just have to take this one step at a time. The next few days will tell us a lot. I'm not going to sugar coat this, things will be pretty tough on her for a while. She will probably cry quite a bit. Every inch of her tiny little body will react to the loss of the drugs she has been on since conception. The morphine will help with the pain. It may also make her drowsy. But sleep will help her build up the strength she needs to fight through the next few days. This is going to be very hard on her and on you, momma. But your little girl is a fighter. She is strong and she can do this. She needs all of the love and support you can offer, this is likely to be the hardest thing she will face in her life. She needs you now more than ever, she needs to know that you are here with her. Tessa is doing very well now that we got her on a treatment that works for her. If she continues making this kind of progress, she can probably go home in a week or so."

"Really?" Olivia asked in relief.

"Yeah," he cooed scooping Tessa up in his arms as she kicked and smiled at him.

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"She has had a rough few days, but I expect her to make a full recovery. I want to make sure we can keep these seizures away and make sure she doesn't have some kind of underlying condition. I'll want to monitor her over the next few years to see how this will effect her development. Sometimes it is hard to tell exactly how much babies are effected when they are exposed in utero like she was. So far her heart and lungs sound really good and she seems to be growing well. Does she have a pretty healthy appetite?"

"She pretty much has a feeding schedule lined out now and eats good."

"That's a really good sign," he replied smiling down at Tessa as she fussed and began to suck on her fist. "You are probably getting hungry now."

Tessa stared up at him and grunted as if answering him.

"I'll hand you off to your mommy and I'll have them bring you some lunch little lady," he said patting the baby gently.

"Thank you doctor," Olivia replied cradling her little girl and kissing her gently on the forehead. "Mommy loves you so much, sweetheart," she whispered softly. "Don't be scared angel, you are never alone. I am always here for you. We'll get through this together."

Elliot smiled, tears welling in his eyes as he watched Olivia kiss her baby daughter and sway slowly with the little girl in her arms. To watch her with Tessa, to see what a natural she was at motherhood, you would never guess that Olivia herself had never fully experienced this kind of bond with her own mother. She was truly the strongest and most amazing person he had ever met in his life.


	10. 10 Million Dollar Baby

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE**__**: **_

_**Let me just warn you all that this is a very heavy chapter. It is full of hardship, tenderness and emotions that will greatly affect the characters themselves and everything that happens in the story from this point on. There is a lot of important things going on all at once in this one. I know that I am probably going to catch some backlash from at least a few readers who do not agree with where I am about to go here. This is where I remind you all that it is after all MY story. I am not trying to be harsh and I appreciate (and enjoy reading) all of the reviews and little messages you guys send me. I just ask that you keep it civil. Constructive criticism is fine, but unwarranted hateful or rude comments are inappropriate and will be deleted. I hate that I even have to say this, but there have been a few here and there that serve no other purpose than to be mean. I respect that we all have different opinions and I do not even mind suggestions as to where you might like to see the story go. But this is where I put my foot down. **_

_**Bottom line, it is my story. The way I see it happening is the way I write it. And if I write something you do not like or do not agree with, don't post hateful comments, simply close the page and stop reading the story. No one wants to read nasty and mean reviews on a story THEY still DO enjoy reading. Not every story speaks to every reader the same way. To be completely honest, the trouble I have had with reviews was not even on this particular story, this just happens to be the one I was updating when I felt the need to comment on the situation. **_

_**Thank you all for taking the time to read my updates and thanks to everyone who follows me as a writer and/or my work on this site. This particular update has a certain sentimental meaning to me. 5 years ago this November, I lost my niece to Shaken Baby Syndrome. Her case wasn't really like how I wrote it in the story, the babysitter shook her. Later the grand jury decided there was not enough evidence to prosecute the woman and a murder walked. There was no justice. And living with that gets harder every single day. So this chapter is in Loving Memory my niece, Cheyenne. We love and miss you like crazy, Chey-chey and will never ever forget you. Rest in peace, baby girl. **_

_**Now, on with the story!**_

_The Sweetest Gift_

_(Chapter Ten: Million Dollar Baby)_

Olivia shifted her eyes to stare at her shoes as she listened to the words the doctor had to say. She knew this was probably one of the most important moments of her life, yet she just could not bring herself to look him in the eye when he broke the news to her.

Three weeks after Tessa had been re-admitted to the hospital for treatment for her withdrawal symptoms, the baby had seemed completely fine and was discharged. This time with much better results.

Olivia returned home with her baby girl to once more attempt their new start at life. Within a few days she noticed her daughter had what appeared to be a slight cough and had spells where she was struggling to breathe normally. Fearing the worst and still not quite adjusted to being a new mother, Olivia quickly brought Tessa in to see her doctor. Turns out, her worst fears couldn't have prepared her for the news she was about to receive.

"Heart failure?"

Elliot's words echoed though the cold silence of the room.

"She's just a little baby. Are you sure?" he asked, squeezing her hand.

Olivia couldn't speak. Instead she sat frozen in fear as tears streamed down her face.

"Tessa was born with an under-developed heart and lungs. There were certain abnormalities from the start. We detected a slight murmur right after birth and were confident that it would heal itself in time."

"But it didn't?" Elliot asked.

"The murmur is still there, but that isn't our main concern at the moment. Tessa's tiny heart is much smaller than most babies her age. This alone causes it to have to work much harder to achieve the same functions as a healthy infant heart. We watched it closely while she was in the hospital and things seemed to be looking up for her. She was out of the woods. Out of danger as far as the function of her heart and lungs."

"She _was_? What changed?"

"It was a combination of many factors really. The strain of the drugs she was exposed to in-utero, being born prematurely before her little body was able to fully develop all of its organs and most recently, the effect of the medications she was given to ease her withdrawal symptoms and help her recover from the addiction she was born with."

"So the medicine you gave her to help her damaged her heart? Why would you give that stuff to a baby if it was going to harm her?"

"We used only very small doses of these drugs. These doses, on a normal sized infant heart without the complications that Tessa's already had would have had only very minor effects and caused no permanent damage. At the rate Tessa was improving, with her test results and by the information in her chart, we honestly didn't think it would harm her."

"But it has?"

"I believe this was the straw that broke the camel's back. The one more small thing that ended up being the one small thing too many."

"So how do you treat it? You can operate, right? Clear the blockage and then everything will be alright?" he asked trying to remain hopeful.

"In Tessa's case it is not a matter of blockage, rather than nearly half of her heart muscle appears to have pretty much died off."

Olivia's head shot up and she felt sick to her stomach.

"This is going to kill her?" she asked finding her words for the first time since they had arrived hours earlier.

"If we do not find a replacement, yes."

She gulped and shifted her attention to the baby girl in the hospital crib across the room.

"Your daughter is a very sick little girl, Ms. Benson."

"So what do we do?" Elliot barked demanding a solution.

"I want to contact UNOS and have Tessa's name put on the top of the transplant list. Unfortunately, the size of her tiny body makes it even more difficult to find a replacement organ. Even a child's heart would be too large. It must come from an infant fairly close to her age."

"That could take months, years even. How long does she have?"

"Right now only half of her heart is actually functioning. I would like to do a few more tests to see exactly how much of the cardiac tissue on her left side is still alive. With enough viable tissue, I believe I can put in a stent that may open up the main artery enough to provide better blood flow and buy her a little more time. Even then, if we do not find her a donor match in the next couple of weeks….I'm afraid there isn't really anything else we can do. Just wait and pray. We have already admitted her and I have her on machines that will monitor her heart rate and oxygen levels. I have asked the nurses to put her on oxygen, just as a precaution. Providing the extra air makes it easier for her to breathe without putting as much strain on her little body. It allows her heart and lungs to rest a little from working so much over time. I am going to let her rest for a little while. We will run some more tests in a few hours, we should know more then. The two of you are welcome to sit in here with her for a while, if you'd like. I think having mommy and daddy here helps keep her calm and content. I will send someone in with a bottle just as soon as we have completed our tests."

Olivia stood silently looking over her sleeping child. Once again she was at a loss for words. Elliot wrapped his arms tight around her as Olivia turned and buried her face in his chest and broke down.

"I don't understand it," she sobbed. "Why would God bring this baby to me if he was just going to take her away again?"

Elliot shook his head, unsure of what to say. He had no answers for her. No answers for the questions that bounced around inside his own mind either. He would do anything to help Olivia or this little girl and there was absolutely nothing that he could do. He felt so helpless. And more than anything in the world, he hated feeling helpless.

He held Olivia tight in his arms and did his best to comfort her as they both cried. There had to be something….some way for these doctors to save Tessa. It wasn't fair. This tiny little human who had barely just began her life, had one filled with so much struggle and pain. He watched as Olivia sat up and moved over to stare at Tessa from between the bars on the crib.

"I would do anything for her," she said in a hoarse whisper. "I would give her my heart….gladly. If it would work."

"I know you would," Elliot said softly. "So would I."

"I can't just give up on her. I won't."

She paused for a moment and looked over her shoulder at him.

"What are we going to do?" she whispered.

"We're gonna sit here with her. And spend every moment we have with her, letting her know how much we love her. Letting her know she isn't alone and that we are here for her always. And we are going to pray," he said brushing her hair back from her eyes. "All we can do is pray."

"How can we do that Elliot? When saving her means that someone else's baby will die….how can we do that?" she whispered as she began to cry once more.

"We can't give up hope, Liv."

Elliot slipped his arms around her and pulled her back into the chair with him. Olivia's breathing was jagged for a few moments as she tried hard to gain her composure.

"He called me her daddy," Elliot said as a smile crossed his face. "That doctor….he referred to me as Tessa's daddy."

Olivia smiled a tired smile.

"Well, you are the closest thing she has to one. And even that doctor can see how much you love her."

"I do love her, Olivia. I couldn't love her any more if she were my own."

"I know that. And so does she," she said studying Tessa once more.

Elliot sat there in the silence trying desperately to think of something he could do to help the situation. Then it hit him.

"Wait right here," he said standing and disappearing from the room.

"What…Elliot?"

"I will be right back," he replied kissing Olivia tenderly.

She waited in curiosity until Elliot reappeared with the priest from the hospital chapel.

"Elliot, what are you doing?"

"I'd like him to bless her."

"Bless her? Elliot, I'm not Catholic."

"I think God will make an acceptation," the man said softly.

"I don't know, El. Something about this doesn't feel right."

"What can it hurt, Olivia?"

"I don't want to do it."

"What?"

"It's like last rights or something and I'm not ready to give up on her," she said as tears streamed down her face.

"We are not giving up on her. We will never give up on her. It is simply another way of asking God to look over her. Asking him not to give up on her."

She looked down at her daughter, then turned her attention to the stranger once more.

"I guess it couldn't hurt."

They stood and watched as the man spoke softly to Tessa and the little baby girl opened her big brown eyes to look at him. Elliot slipped his hand around Olivia's and squeezed it, hoping that somehow this moment could bring as much comfort to her as it did to him.

The next afternoon as Elliot and Olivia sat in Tessa's hospital room waiting for test results, when there was a knock at the door. Olivia raised her head to see Fin standing across the room.

"Hey," she said with a smile.

"How's she doing?" Fin asked peeking over the rails at the sleepy little girl.

"She's been better. We are still waiting for some test results. But right now, our only real hope is heart transplant. So for now, we wait."

"Bless her heart. We've all been praying for her. After Elliot called and updated us last night, she's all we can think about. Such a sweet little thing."

"Thanks Fin."

"I also brought you guys some coffee. Starbucks, not that nasty $2.50 a cup junk from the machine. I figured you guys could use it. There are also a few of those blueberry muffins you like so much in the bag on the table."

"Thank you for coming by. It was really sweet of you," Olivia said standing to hug him.

"I've got to get going. I just wanted to stop by for a few minutes on my way to work. If there is anything else I can do, or anything you guys need….just let me know."

"We will, Fin. Thanks," Elliot said shaking his friend's hand.

They watched as Fin walked out into the hall.

"I wonder what's going on down there," Fin said as he stepped out into the hall. "Elliot, take a look at this."

Elliot stood from Olivia's side and stepped out into the hall. The outer walls of the hospital were made of tinted glass and two floors below them on the front lawn of the hospital a small crowd of about six or seven people had gathered.

"I wonder what's going on," Elliot asked.

"There's a news crew," a nurse said as she approached them. "I was actually coming to get you. It seems one of the local news teams had caught wind of little Tessa being here. They are camped out on the front walkway and are asking to speak to Ms. Benson."

Elliot scratched the back of his head.

"I really don't think that's such a good idea."

"Its okay, El," Olivia said from behind him. "We invited them in. We wanted to get her story out. Obviously it is out. They just want to know what is going on."

"I still don't think you should go out there."

"Maybe she doesn't have to," Fin said. "If you want to prepare a statement, I could talk to them for you."

"Okay," she agreed with a soft nod. "I just want to thank them for their support. Let them know that she has been added to the transplant list for a new heart. And that is really all the information I have to share with them right now."

"I'll take care of it," Fin said as he turned and walked down the hall.

"That is very brave of you," Elliot said and she raised her eyes to look at him. "To share something so private with a bunch of strangers."

"We asked them to care about her, Elliot. We opened up and told them her story. It only makes sense that people would like to know more about the little girl they were trying to help. Good or bad, I think they deserve to know."

"Yea," he agreed. "How are you doing with all of this? You have been pretty quiet today," he said squeezing her shoulder. "I know you have a lot on your mind. I'm here if you want to talk about it."

"Actually, there is something I would like to talk to you about," she said as he studied the sorrowful look in her eyes. "But not in here. Not around Tessa."

"Well, the nurses are changing her diaper and getting her cleaned up right now. They will be in there with her for a little while. Why don't we take a walk? Just around the halls."

"Okay."

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Olivia just couldn't take it anymore.

"Elliot, I'm sorry," she blurted out.

"It was a bad idea. If you want to go back, I understand."

"Not about that. I have been thinking all night, trying to find the easiest way to say this. But I'm not sure there is an easy way, so here it goes. That night when we first started dating, do you remember the talk that we had."

"About not letting our romantic feelings for each other get in the way of our friendship?"

Olivia tipped her head back and smoothed her hands over her face.

"I wasn't aware that we had," he said in a bit of confusion.

"I'm talking about the part of the conversation where I said that I wasn't sure it was the best time to start a new relationship. And we made a promise that no matter what happened in our romantic relationship, we would always be best friends.""

"Oh," Elliot said softly.

He scratched his head and forced a smile.

"So I am getting dumped?" he gulped.

"I am so sorry," she choked out as she began to cry once more. "I never meant to hurt you. There is just so much going on right now and I think that my focus needs to be on Tessa and her needs. I just can't handle a relationship right now. I am already feeling so overwhelmed with all of this. I am a horrible girlfriend. I never focus on you and what you need. All I think about is my daughter and myself and how everything in life affects us. I am completely selfish. I neglect you and your needs. When was the last time that I did anything for you? When was the last time I spent time with you, and only you? The last time we had a conversation without me checking my phone for updates from the nanny or the doctor on Tessa's condition? You spend every moment doting on me. Making sure that Tessa and I have everything we need and that we are taken care of. Focusing on me. And all I think about is myself and my life and what is going on with my daughter. I love you, Elliot. I love you so much. But I can't do this, not anymore. I just don't have the time in my life to be your girlfriend right now. A romantic relationship just cannot be one of my priorities right now. Maybe it just isn't in the cards for me. You are an amazing man with so much to offer and you deserve better."

"I don't want better, Olivia. I want you. I love you. And I love Tessa. Being a parent means always putting your child first. You have not done anything wrong. You are just being a good mother, I know that. I also know that this is the hardest time of your life and you are terrified of losing your little girl. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to be confused and overwhelmed, hell anyone would be in your situation. And you are not a horrible girlfriend, you are an amazing mother. Your attention is exactly where it should be right now. If you want to break things off because you are not in it anymore, because you don't love me, you don't care? But this is something completely different."

"That is the problem, Elliot. I'm not in it. I am everywhere else….to the point that I am about to go crazy. But I'm not here with you. Not the way that I need to be. Not even the way that I want to be. Like I said, I just can't do this right now. I really am sorry."

Elliot stared at her with tears in his eyes, still not believing what he had just heard.

"So am I," he said as he turned and walked away.

That night he sat alone in his empty apartment staring out the window into the night. A thunder storm had knocked out the power in his building and Elliot tuned in an old FM radio to the only one station it would pick up. He took another sip from his beer and laid back against the couch feeling sorry for himself as he closed his eyes and listened to one of those songs that just happened to say every word of that he was feeling.

Well you only need the light when it's burning low  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow  
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low  
Only hate the road when you're missin' home  
Only know you love her when you let her go  
And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass  
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last  
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes  
Maybe one day you'll understand why  
Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it's burning low  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow  
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low  
Only hate the road when you're missin' home  
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark  
Same old empty feeling in your heart  
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep  
But never to touch and never to keep  
'Cause you loved her too much  
And you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow  
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low  
Only hate the road when you're missin' home  
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)  
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)  
Will you let her go?

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow  
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low  
Only hate the road when you're missin' home  
Only know you love her when you let her go

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow  
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low  
Only hate the road when you're missin' home  
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

He opened his eyes once more and stared deep into the flicker of the candle on his coffee table. She was his light, his sun, his high, his home and there was no doubt in his mind that he loved her. He needed her. But if this was what was right for her, he had to let her go.

For two days he stayed away. Giving her space, he told himself. He got his updates on Tessa's condition through mutual friends, but not being there with her through this was killing him inside.

"You can do this," Elliot said staring at himself in the rearview mirror. "If she needs you, if she wants you there, she will call you."

He climbed from the car and headed into work. It was still pretty early and the squad room was empty save for him. Elliot started a pot of coffee then took a seat at his desk and turned on his computer. A broken heart isn't fatal and it was time he got back to work. But there, across from him sat her desk.

"I didn't think I'd see you here today," Cragen said from behind him.

Elliot cleared his throat in an attempt to regain a little pride and self-dignity.

"I work here. Why wouldn't I be here?"

"This is a big day. I just assumed you'd be with Olivia at the hospital."

"What's going on?"

"Haven't you talked to her?"

"Not in a few hours," he lied. "What is going on?"

"Tessa's transplant is this morning. Olivia called me at three o'clock this morning to tell me."

"They found a donor?"

"How do you not already know this?" Cragen asked.

"Well….I mean, I just wasn't sure it was all going to work out," Elliot lied again as he backed out of the room. "Listen, Captain, I am gonna need another day off. If that's alright."

"It's fine. Go," Cragen said motioning toward the door as Elliot turned and ran down the hall. "I am not even sure I want to know why he is acting so weird today," he mumbled as he turned on his office light to start his day.

Elliot stopped only for a moment upon entering the hospital, then he was on his way once more. The elevator was taking too long so he ran up the two flights of stairs and practically slid around the corner as he entered Tessa's hospital room.

Olivia turned to look at him and he could see her eyes were all red and puffy from crying.

"God, what happened? Where is Tessa?" he asked just now noticing her hospital bed was empty.

"They just took her back for surgery," Fin said as Olivia stared at him.

"Fin why don't I go get us all some coffee? And give the two of you a chance to talk." Fin said picking up on the tension between the two of them.

"You brought a bear?" Olivia asked studying the animal in his hands.

"I know she has like thirty of them, but I thought this one could keep her company until she gets to go home."

"I'm sure she'll love it. Thank you."

"I wasn't sure you'd want me here," Elliot said after several more minutes of painful silence.

"I need you here," she whispered as she broke into tears and threw herself into his arms.

"Why didn't you call me?" he asked as she sobbed against his chest.

Olivia raised her head and looked into his eyes.

"I thought you were angry with me. Fin said he would make sure you were updated on Tessa's situation. I guess I figured you would come around when you were ready to. But this morning when that doctor told me that they had found a donor….you were the first person I called."

"I never got a call, Olivia."

"I left you at least six messages. I have been trying to get ahold of you all night. I knew you were hurt and angry, but I thought that if you got just one of my messages….maybe you would come."

Elliot slipped his hand into his pocket and looked at his phone.

"It's dead," he said shaking his head. "But I'm here, Liv. I am here," he said hugging her tight.

"The doctor said it can take anywhere from four to twelve hours for the transplant surgery. Or longer," Olivia explained as Fin handed her a cup of coffee.

"This donor, do you know anything about them?"

"It was because of the press release. That news reporter put the update about Tessa's condition on air that night. The next afternoon our doctor came in and said that he had been contacted by another hospital. It seems there was a woman whose little boy was on life support and she was insisting her son be tested as a possible match for Tessa. It all happened so quickly."

"And he was a match?"

"Yes. Her son was completely brain dead and was surviving solely because of the machines. She was choosing to take him off life support, but she wanted to donate his organs. They were worried about damage to the tissue if they transported the heart, so they used an AirVac team to transport the baby and his mother here to do the organ harvest. They are taking the heart directly from him and putting it into Tessa. So I imagine it is going to take a while."

"The baby's mother is here?"

"Yea. And apparently she wants to meet me. But I don't really know if I want to meet her. Don't get me wrong, I will forever be grateful for the gift she has given us. I am just not sure I can face her."

"That is understandable," Fin said.

"And now I am hiding out here in Tessa's room waiting for them to complete the surgery because I know that she is in the waiting room down the hall."

"It's okay. We will wait here with you," Elliot replied.

"At least I'll be in good company," she responded with a smile.

A few hours later Olivia was feeling a bit restless. She walked out into the hall and stared out the window for a moment. As she stood there a team of doctors walked out with three coolers and boarded the elevator headed for the roof.

She raised her head and looked around for someone who might have some word on Tessa's condition. As Olivia turned around she saw her. A young woman in her late twenties with long dark hair and grey eyes, staring back at her. For a moment they just stared at each other, but Olivia knew exactly who this woman was.

"You are Tessa's mother, aren't you?" the woman said in a soft voice.

Olivia couldn't speak, all she could do was nod.

"I'm Erica," the woman said extending her hand as she introduced herself. "Erica Pratt. My son, Cooper, was your daughter's heart donor."

"I am very sorry for your loss," Olivia said softly.

"Cooper's part of the surgery is complete. They just shipped out the rest of his organs. Now all that is left is Tessa's part."

"It is a wonderful thing that you have done. I can only imagine how hard this must be on you."

"My baby was gone. My eight month old son was murdered four days ago when my husband lost control and shook him because he wouldn't stop crying. The doctors did everything that they could to try and save him but it was no use. After the first day it was obvious that the damage to his brain was too severe and the doctor told me he would never regain consciousness. Tests had shown that his optical nerves were severed and if he did live it would only be because the machines were keeping him alive."

Olivia felt a knot in her throat and both women were now crying.

"If my son did live, he would have been a vegetable for the rest of his life. I sat there at Cooper's bedside. I sang to him and read to him. I didn't want to give up on him. But I couldn't bear to go on letting him live like that. It was a decision that took a lot of consideration. One that I was already contemplating and struggling with on my own. Then yesterday I turned on the television to the piece about Tessa and how she needed a heart transplant to survive. It was like a sign. And in that moment, I knew exactly what I had to do. My son, my baby, was already going. Keeping him on the machines was merely prolonging the inevitable. I spoke to Cooper's doctor and he made the arrangements. Letting go of him was the hardest thing I will ever have to do. But saying goodbye to Cooper, meant that there was a chance for four other babies who never would have had a chance without his organs. It was hard, but I did it. I did it for Tessa, and for a little boy in Texas who needed new kidneys. His lungs, one is going to a premature baby in Colorado and the other to New Mexico to a baby with a collapsed lung who has not even been born yet. I may not ever know how those other cases turned out. But if you don't mind, I would really like to wait around here and see how Tessa's surgery goes."

"I don't mind," Olivia whispered through her tears as she hugged the girl. "Thank you. Thank you so much, for everything you have done."

"Liv?" Elliot said from behind her. "Is everything okay?"

"There is someone I would like for you to meet. Erica, these are my good friends, Elliot and Fin. Guys, this is Erica. Her son Cooper was Tessa's heart donor."

The four of them sat in the waiting room for what seemed like days before a doctor finally came in with an update. He pulled Olivia into the hall and insisted on speaking to her alone. Elliot watched nervously as the man spoke to her and Olivia began to cry.

"What's going on? "Is Tessa okay?" Elliot asked rushing to her side.

"She's going to be fine," Olivia gasped as Elliot hugged her tight. "The doctor said her surgery went really well. They are taking her to recovery and want to watch her for a while. He said we can go back and see her in a few hours."

"That is amazing news," he said with a smile.

For the next few days Olivia spent every waking moment at Tessa's bedside. Four days after Tessa's surgery, all of her stats were looking good and the doctor said she was making an amazing recovery.

That night after visiting hours were over and Tessa was settled into bed for the night, Elliot talked Olivia into slipping away to her apartment for a few hours to have dinner with him. He ordered her favorite take out and poured them each a glass of wine to celebrate Tessa's amazing progress.

"She is the most amazing little girl," Elliot said. "And an inspiration to everyone who hears her story."

"She is pretty amazing," Olivia agreed checking her watch as she sat down at the table.

"Relax. Its two hours tops, I promise. Her nurse has your number and we are only blocks from the hospital. If we hear anything at all we will be there in five minutes."

Olivia smiled at his attempt to calm her nerves.

"And it is only one glass of wine," he added.

"Yea," she agreed. "I could really use this."

"You know what else is amazing? To think of everything this little bitty girl has been through in her short life. She is so strong."

"It has been a long six months," Olivia said trying hard to clear the worry from her mind. "Long and stressful and scary and expensive."

Elliot turned focused on her words as she continued.

"Tessa was a million dollar baby before she ever left the hospital. And now a heart transplant. And the doctor said she is still likely to need a couple more minor surgeries as she gets a little older."

"Without those donations and the fundraisers and all of the pro-bono work from the hospital staff, I don't know what we would have done."

"I would have lost my daughter. And I will never be able to thank Erica Pratt enough."

"What she did was pretty amazing, too. I don't know if I would ever be able to make the decision that she did. But I am sure thankful that she did it."

"We have come a long way," Olivia said softly. "But we still have a very long way to go. But you were right when you said I needed a few hours away from the hospital. That was probably the best shower I have ever had in my life."

"To be completely honest," he said stepping into the kitchen with their dinner dishes, "I was kind of hoping for the chance to talk to you. Just us. Away from the hospital where we could focus a little more on the matter at hand."

"Elliot..."

"Please just give me a chance. For days now I have been sitting here thinking about this. Trying to find the words to say what I needed to say, the best way to express what I am feeling."

"El," she gasped fighting back tears as she shook her head. "I just can't right now."

"I know. But please, just hear me out. You know, I cannot tell you how many times I have found myself in a place where I couldn't find the words to express what I was so desperately trying to say, then I would hear a song and it was like every word spoke exactly what I was feeling. Once again I am relying on music to help me out. I found a song, Olivia. Please, just listen," he said as music began.

You say you gotta go and find yourself  
You say that you're becoming someone else  
Don't recognize the face in the mirror  
Looking back at you

You say you're leavin  
As you look away  
I know theres really nothin left to say  
Just know i'm here  
Whenever you need me  
I'll wait for you

So i'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere  
Picture you with the wind in your hair  
I'll keep your things right where you left them  
I'll be here for you

Oh and i'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need  
I'll be right here waiting to see  
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there  
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear  
I can't fix you i can't save you  
Its something you have to do

So i'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me  
Come back to me  
So i'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need  
I'll be right here waiting to see  
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me  
When you find you come back to me  
When you find you come back to me

When the music finished she was crying again.

"I will let you go," he whispered. "I will let you go because I love you and this is what you need me to do. I am not angry or upset with you. But I want you to know that this in no way changes how I feel about you. I love you. And I am pretty sure that you love me too."

"I do," she whispered through her tears.

"I understand that you just need a little time. So I will give that to you. I will always be here for you, anytime you need me. And I will wait for you, as long as it takes. When you are ready and things are a little more settled, we can try again. For now, I am here, as your friend. For now, we will focus on that beautiful little angel in that hospital bed. And when you are ready, come back to me. We will pick things up again. And everything is going to be okay."

Olivia smiled and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

"That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me," she whispered in a soft laugh.

"Everything is going to be alright," Elliot repeated as he hugged her tight.


End file.
